15 Souken AUs
by MsLyoness
Summary: Fifteen takes on Souma and Kendappa? Yes, have some! The character and genre filters correspond to the latest posted installment. Don't worry, this first one is Kendappa/Souma and one-sided Tenou/Kendappa, not a threesome.


1. **Cinderkenda**

_Forget the prince, because his sexy Captain of the Guard is more fun anyway. (Humor, T)  
_

.

.

(Author's Note: This was inspired by the omake in Volume 8, where Tamara predicts that poor Kendappa will be her maid when she marries Tenou, "A real Cinderella!"

As is standard for this project, some of these AUs are sad, some are humorous, some are serious, and one is very naughty, which you'll be able to find on AO3 if all goes well. Once it's posted, I'll tell you here. There will, however, be a couple M-rated installments on this site, so I hope some of you will be pleased by that.

If you wish to see the cover at the much larger size it was intended to be seen, please look for it on my deviantART account, where I have the same username. If you don't see it on the front page, check the "RG Veda" folder. Also, please vote in the poll I have in my profile here for your favorite couples, so my writing can better reflect what you like.

Now of course I don't own anyone but the gnomes. "Parvati" is canonically nameless and her character isn't developed at all, but she still belongs to CLAMP.)

.

.

"Cinderkenda! You call this _breakfast?!_" Lady Tamara Westgold screeched in that horrible high-pitched register, throwing a piece of blackened toast at her stepsister. "It's not even fit for a pig!"

_Nope, especially since I dropped it on the floor and spat on it, _Kendappa Easternharp thought smugly, but soothingly replied, "I know the toast got a little dark, and the sausages are a little cold, and the marmalade is a little chunky, and the hash browns are little overdone, but Tamara, if you hadn't had the cook beheaded, I wouldn't have to make you breakfast with my limited skills."

Which, in reality, were quite extensive, but Tamara didn't know that.

"You're a completely useless disgrace!" her mother Parvati sneered disdainfully, winging a sausage at Kendappa. "Tamara honey, your stepsister is an incompetent fool, who doesn't even know how to make a decent breakfast! She's an utter failure of a human being, and if your father – may he suffer every day – were still here, he would have given her twenty lashes!"

This was true, and he would have gotten a real, creepy kick out of doing it too. But really, his absence was the only reason these three women were related by marriage.

Lord Koumokuten Westgold, Kendappa often thought, had flown the coop out of sheer desperation. One day Parvati had looked out the window to see him slam the door of their biggest carriage shut, a certain sexy blond scullery maid pulling him inside, before the driver cracked the reins and they were off to another city to live a life free of Parvati. But that was actually okay with her, because he'd neglected to take the deed to the manor. He'd taken quite a bit of money and bonds, but all she needed to do was find somebody else to marry!

Enter Lord Jikokuten Easternharp, a noble widower wracked with grief that his beloved wife had thrown herself from her window. She'd done it in despair that she couldn't have a (gay) younger man, one who'd had no idea she was so obsessed with him. Or rather, a (gay) twelve-year-old boy, which just went to show how insane she was. At the funeral, young Yasha Yamaton had practically gone into catatonic shock as Jikokuten screamed at him for being the reason his wife was dead, because this was all news to Yasha's unobservant self.

Anyway, Jikokuten's grief had very obviously dulled his mental faculties, which had been rather sharp before. Kendappa, whom he had clung to almost smotheringly after his wife's death, had tried to warn him that Parvati and Tamara were bad news. But Jikokuten, flattered by Parvati's attention and willingness to do absolutely anything he wanted her to, had wed her anyway. For the first couple years Kendappa was treated as she deserved to be… but then Jikokuten broke his neck when his horse threw him, spooked by an imp running screaming out into the road.

That was the day Kendappa's fortunes changed very much for the worse. It was bad enough her father had died, but the very hour they buried him, Parvati demoted her to servant and had her lawyer transfer all that Jikokuten had left Kendappa over to her. Tamara, ever so happy that she could now bully Kendappa, wasted no time in moving her from a nice bedroom down to the scullery, where she had to sleep on the hearth for warmth. That was where she got the nickname "Cinderkenda," because she was often marked with ash when she got up.

That's the backstory. Now let's return to the action.

"I don't know why you're such an idiot!" Tamara bitched, as Kendappa picked up the sausage and toast for the pigs. "Go and make us _decent _breakfasts, or I'll – I'll do something you deserve!" she threatened with her nose in the air.

"Of course. I'll go do that right away," Kendappa smiled apologetically, taking her time walking off back to the kitchen.

Ha. Now her step-family would have to wait even longer to do something else, and she'd spit in this food too. Can anyone really blame her? Most people would do the same.

When she got back to the kitchen, she whistled a little tune as she made a good breakfast, making sure to add her saliva, and preparing extra so she'd have more table scraps. Now, she did eat some food back here, but not too much or Parvati would get suspicious. Kendappa's diet was half sneaked food, including vegetables and fruit from the gardens, and half table scraps. It was humiliating, but what else could she do unless she wanted to get beaten or starve?

When the food was done, she passive-aggressively arranged it so it was all touching, because Tamara absolutely hated when different kinds of food touched each other. If only these were runny foods, Tamara would really suffer. But alas, they were merely greasy in two cases, and personally, Kendappa thought sausages and hash browns were a delightful combination. She carried the two trays out, and arranged her scowling features into an obedient smile.

"About time," Parvati snapped pettishly, drumming her fingers on the fancy tablecloth. "If I'm late to my bridge party, it's all your fault!"

Kendappa served her stepmother first, then served Parvati's mirror image. Seriously, the only differences between them were their hairstyles and lip rouge: Parvati wore red, Tamara wore hot pink. They were the same height, had the same coloring, and since Parvati was amazingly well-preserved for forty, their faces were even the same. They even sounded alike, especially when they were berating Kendappa.

They made fun of her long blue-black hair ("Your bangs make you look like you have a bowl on your head!"), they made fun of her blue eyes ("Your eyes are too big, they look like little kids' eyes!"), they made fun of her fondness for harp music ("Harp is for losers, cello music is where it's at!"), and they made fun of every mistake she made, every contradiction to their views she verbalized, and of course, her lowered status. They were the type of females who get labeled "mean girls" in our society, and boy, would Tina Fey have had a field day lampooning them.

"This breakfast is acceptable, Cinderkenda," Tamara smirked evilly, reaching into her pocket. "So here's your tip!" she cackled, hurling loose change at Kendappa's face, ow.

But when Tamara threw those coins at her stepsister, she was actually helping her. Because Kendappa saved each and every one, and the money she got for selling Tamara and Parvati's old clothes, to finance her eventual escape. In five more years, she'd have enough to strike out on her own, and being a servant to someone else wouldn't be as bad as being a servant to those two, because she could always quit if she needed to. Nope, she wouldn't stay here forever! One fine day she'd be free, and maybe she'd set a fire before she left.

But for now, she had to listen to Parvati and Tamara babble on about the series of balls in one month's time, in honor of Crown Prince Tenou's eighteenth birthday. Kendappa was so fricking sick of hearing about stupid Prince Tenou, because Tamara was obsessed with him and Parvati encouraged such obsession. After all, if Tamara landed the prince, Parvati's status, wealth, and property would skyrocket!

"I'll wear my new pink dress with the new pink pearls!" Tamara was excitedly proclaiming. "Prince Tenou will be sure to notice me if I wear that. And then I'll sing for him, because I'm the best singer in the kingdom, right Mother?"

"Yes you are, honey! Oh, they _say _that little Karyoubinga girl is better, but they're lying. Your voice is much more mature, and you can do all sorts of fancy, hard-to-do things with it," Parvati assured her daughter, forgetting that sometimes, a song sounds better if it's sung as written and not added to with overwrought embellishments.

"He'll dance with me, and we'll stare into each other's eyes like we can see nothing else," Tamara gushed, as her mother nodded seriously and Kendappa used her poker face. "All these other girls will try to cut in, but he'll have none of it! Then he'll escort me off the dance floor into the gardens where the roses will be blooming, and the moon will be shining full, and –"

"Actually, it'll be a crescent moon," Kendappa offered helpfully, being someone who paid attention to the lunar cycle.

"Shut up!" Tamara hissed, and threw a half-eaten sausage at Kendappa, who caught and secreted it in her pocket for later. Parvati just sneered, "Yes, shut up Cinderkenda, your superior stepsister is talking and it's rude to interrupt. Please continue, Tamara dear."

"And then Prince Tenou will ask for my hand in marriage!" Tamara went on, cackling evilly. "Mother, I'll be the princess!"

"You were _born _to be a princess, Tamara honey!" Parvati praised with all her heart, and Kendappa mentally muttered, _Yeah, the kind who sits on her throne all day and oppresses the masses, Heaven forbid you'd be the kind who went out in the kingdom and actually helped people._

More praise and mooning over Tenou ensued, but finally breakfast was over and Kendappa could clear the table. They had other servants who could easily do this, but Parvati and Tamara took any opportunity to make Kendappa work for them, so this was another of her duties. Actually, their servants were dwindling and it was hard to find any more who would agree to sign on, because word got around. And if they did, those servants usually left. By now, Kendappa and five other women kept the household running, and it was a lot to do because the mansion was so big.

_I hate my life, _she thought as she carried both trays back to the kitchen. _Father, this is all your fault. If you'd just listened to me about Lady Westbitch, I'd be living a good life instead of a horrible life. I'm sure you feel terrible up in Heaven, but that doesn't help me much, now does it?_

_._

It was three weeks later, in the wee hours of the morning, and Kendappa was sewing a gown. Why? For her own enjoyment, and because it was a small gesture of defiance.

She had been working on this gown with every spare moment of her time, and it was exceedingly fancy. It had started out one of Parvati's gowns, but she'd spilled some soup on the bodice, and thus relegated it to the rag heap. Kendappa had rescued it, put new silk over the bodice to cover up the stains, and embellished a little, taken some elements away, and was now on the "embroidering the bodice" stage. It was a beautiful dress, deep blue silk with poofy, wide sleeves, and she was very proud of what she'd done with it.

Now… where did she expect to wear it to? The answer should come as no surprise: Kendappa intended to wear this gown to the first Tenou ball, but not for the reasons one might suspect. She didn't want to snare the prince in the least; that was the last thing she wanted to do. No, she wanted to go to ball to give herself something to look forward to, and when she was there, to have some fun pretending she was a noble. Well, she technically still was, she had the genes, but she was titleless thanks to Parvati.

_It'll buoy my spirits, _she thought as she sewed away. _It'll give me something to hold in my mind, for a much-needed pick-me-up. And, okay, it's also a way to figuratively flip off Parvati and Tamara._

She liked this dress. In fact, she loved it, because it was a symbol of breaking free. And then of course there was the pride any artist has in something they've worked out hard on that's turning out very well, and Kendappa knew this thing would fit her like a glove. Yes, this gown was almost like a beloved pet, that was how important it was to her.

So, on the day of the ball, she was infinitely pleased that the gown was all ready. She planned to walk until she could hire a coach, and then she'd do the same to get back. With any luck, she could avoid her step-family and it would all be good. It was hard waiting for them to leave, but –

"Cinderkenda! Don't I look a thousand times more beautiful than you?" Tamara's smug voice came from the scullery door, and Kendappa firmly reminded herself to say whatever Tamara wanted to get her out of here faster.

"Why yes, Tamara, you've never looked prettier," she said with a smile, and her stepsister preened.

The pink really did accent Tamara's coloring, Kendappa had to admit. It brought out her pale green eyes, it offset her ivory skin, and it made her black hair look even blacker. She'd of course stuck pink flowers in it, to jazz up the huge rolled updo thingy she always wore, with a lot left to hang loose too. Yup, Tamara was stylin', and had probably been admiring herself in the mirror for five minutes or more. Damn it all, why hadn't she just stayed up there instead of coming down here?

"I'm headed to the ball, Cinderkenda," she needlessly informed her in a bratty tone. "And you have to stay here, washing the – what's that?" she suddenly demanded, pointing to the wall where Kendappa had hung the gown, covered by a sheet.

"It's a sheet," Kendappa said as guilelessly as she could, but Tamara had already crossed to it and ripped it down.

The sheet collapsed to the floor and the gown was revealed, making Tamara gasp. That was a beautiful gown, a fancy thing a scullery maid had no right having! What the hell was it doing in Kendappa's possession? Had she stolen it, or had she made it herself?

"Cinderkenda! What's the meaning of this gown?" the younger woman sneered, holding it so the hem touched the sooty floor. "It's too nice for someone like you to have!"

"It was just a personal project," Kendappa said desperately. "I didn't –"

"You can't have any personal projects except taking care of me!" Tamara screeched, pulling at both sleeves until one ripped off. "I'll show you what I think of your industrious use of leisure time!" she laughed evilly, ripping the neckline too.

Kendappa leapt upon Tamara, beating her head against the floor and knocking out multiple teeth, ripping her hair out and then shoving her face-first into the fire – in her imagination. She could do nothing but stand there and entertain these violent fantasies, with tears in her eyes as she watched that beloved, exquisite gown be destroyed, while Tamara's mocking laughter rang in her ears. God, _why? _Hadn't she suffered enough? All she'd wanted to do was pretend her life was all right for _one night_, to be a lady again instead of a servant, and now she couldn't have even that.

Soon the dress was in tatters, barely held together and with lots of it on the floor, separated from the rest. Kendappa felt like bawling, but made herself keep a stiff upper lip and fight back those tears. Tamara, on the other hand, sported a big, mean grin, and now she thrust the ruined dress at her stepsister.

"Wear it!" she cackled like a wicked witch. "Wear these rags all night, ha-ha-ha! If you're not in them when I come back, I'll throw all your regular clothes down the privy!"

Kendappa entertained some more violent fantasies, this time about strangling Tamara with the remains of the dress, but gritted her teeth and made herself say, "All right, Tamara." But she was unable to help adding, "Shouldn't you be going to the ball right now? You don't want to be late."

"No, I want you to see me off… while wearing those rags!" Tamara informed her, drunk on bitch power. "In front of everyone! Out in the main courtyard, AH-ha-ha! Mother will be so amused too," she snickered proudly, and Kendappa thought to herself that Tamara really needed little devil horns to make her outfit complete.

But she had no choice – she had to put the rags on, as Tamara watched no less. Tamara chuckled cruelly at Kendappa's boring, oft-mended undergarments, and laughed triumphantly when the rag-dress was on, and those undergarments showed through the holes. Ha-ha, humiliating your stepsister was the funniest thing in the world! Especially when you yourself were dressed in the fanciest clothes you'd ever worn, and were dead certain that you would catch the prince's eye.

Kendappa trudged after Tamara, imagining flaming meteors falling on the beyotch's head. Soon they were out in the courtyard, and the other servants started snickering at the sight of her. Kendappa glared at all of them and one had the class to look ashamed, but the rest just kept laughing. Parvati, of course, had burst into gales of vicious laughter, which Tamara of course joined in with.

"Look at her, Mother!" Tamara guffawed, pointing rudely at Kendappa. "She made a fancy dress, so I ripped it up to show her her place! She _deserves _to wear rags!"

"Yes she does, Tamara honey! Now hurry up and get in the carriage, you don't want to be late, do you?" Parvati asked seriously, like being late was the ultimate disgraceful act.

Kendappa, her fists and jaw clenched and trembling, watched with teary eyes as Tamara stepped into the carriage, assisted by a handsome footman. The universe was a terrible, sadistic, evil place, when Kendappa was denied even her dress that she'd worked so hard on, and Tamara and Parvati got to attend the ball she'd so wanted to. They thought this was hilarious, how bitchy they were being, and as the carriage rolled away their mocking laughter could still be heard.

Kendappa held it together until the carriage was out of sight, but then she let out a tortured scream and galloped back through the house out to the gardens. She was crying as she ran, but once she got there, she was also bellowing swear words at the top of her lungs and ripping up petunias, too upset to care that she'd be punished for that once Parvati saw it. It was too much! She'd suffered enough! And she had to keep suffering, because she needed the money Tamara would wing at her. But why, why, _why _were Tamara and Parvati's lives charmed, and Kendappa's was cursed?

"I hate theeem!" she screamed with tears running down her cheeks. "I tried to be nice to them at first, and they just trample me down! God, _please_, send me a sign that things are going to get better for me!"

Suddenly there was a flash of twinkling light, the tinkling sound of wind chimes, and the overwhelming scent of lavender. When Kendappa's vision cleared from the aftereffects of the light, she saw many beings standing in front of her where they most certainly hadn't been before: a bunch of gnomes, and one other person. The gnomes looked like pretty much any other gnomes around, being two feet tall and possessed of pointed red hats, rustic outfits, and dorky, buck-toothed expressions, often with wayward eyes. There were thirteen of them, all of which had a different-colored jerkin, and the requisite curly-toed shoes. Plus the long beards, couldn't forget those.

But it was the man in the middle of the midgets who was manifestly the main event. He was one of those beautiful males, with wavy, shoulder-length blond hair and long-lashed brown eyes, holding himself like he ruled the world. He sported fantastic, translucent wings with a lilac shine, but Kendappa was paying more attention to his clothes than his lacy wings.

He was wearing a pale pink, chiffon tutu, spangled with little rhinestones that matched the tiara on his head, and the wand he was holding. He also had a matching bow necklace, made of the same material because this was obviously a meticulously planned outfit. The only incongruous parts of it (well, besides the fact that it was on a man) were the footwear: black jackboots, with chains and little "male/male" symbols dangling from those chains. Although to be fair, the chains were pink and matched the tutu.

Kendappa stared at this apparition, wondering if Tamara had slipped her a hallucinogen in her table scraps. Finally she managed a gobsmacked, "Uh… who are _you?_"

"Why, I'm your fairy godfather, dummy!" the apparition said brightly, adjusting his tiara. "My name's Vahyu. Men!" he barked, and the gnomes all hopped to attention, "Men, fetch poor Cinderkenda a nice comfy chair to sit in."

Kendappa just watched with wide eyes as the gnomes scampered back to the house, saying, in squeaky little voices, "Yes Lord Vahyu!", "As you command, Lord Vahyu!", "Anything for you, Lord Vahyu!", and even, "I've devoted my life to you, Lord Vahyu!" Okay, that was all rather disturbing, but Vahyu just smiled serenely like this was his due.

Before Kendappa could summon the courage to speak, the gnomes were back, bearing a large armchair and scuttling over to her. They set it down, and then, incredibly, eleven of them formed themselves into a living chair, another formed a footrest, and the thirteenth stood at attention at the side of it. Vahyu, waving Kendappa to the regular chair, sat down on the gnome chair like a king on a throne.

He then put his jackbooted feet on the back of the footrest gnome, and handed the wand to the last one with a haughty, "Twinkleberry, if you drop this again I'll turn you into a toad."

Twinkleberry nodded with the utmost seriousness, holding the wand like it was made of glass. Vahyu graced him with a little nod, which he beamed at, and then the fairy godfather turned back to Kendappa and smiled, "It's been so long since I last saw you. Your third birthday, if I recall correctly!"

"You were at my third birthday party?" was all she could manage at first, then recovered her wits and went on, "No one ever told me I had a fairy godfather!"

"Ah yes, well, it's a rule, you see. We're allowed to interact with our godchildren as infants and toddlers, but once they start to be able to remember past six months or so, we have to stay away. Why? So we can make big, splashy entrances when they need us," Vahyu preened, tossing his perfect hair. "And believe me, Cinderkenda, you desperately need me right now."

Ordinarily Kendappa would've asked what he was going to help her with, but she just couldn't get past the tutu. She bluntly queried, "Fairy Godfather, why are you wearing women's ballet clothing?"

"Oh, you know, I get a lot of discrimination from the lady fairies," he sighed, sounding ever so weary of such things. "I'd actually much prefer wearing an open shirt and leather pants, but it's not _done. _And then they lay into me about the tutu! Damned if I do, damned if I don't," he snorted rebelliously.

"Uh. Well you, um, seem to have accessorized it well," Kendappa complimented faintly, politely ignoring the incongruous jackboots.

"I actually had _such _a hard time deciding on the tiara," Vahyu informed her as he patted it. "I wanted something that matches my personality: attention-grabbing, yet classy, but still really, really pretty."

_You really are a fairy, _Kendappa muttered inside her head, using "fairy" in the gay man sense.

Then a gnome in a brown jerkin piped up with, "Lord Vahyu, aren't you going to tell her you're going to make it so she can go to the ball? With your awesome fairy powers and wonderful eye for fashion? And hair too? And footwear?"

"Ah yes, thank you Glittertree," Vahyu smiled, nodding regally. "Like he said, Cinderkenda, I am here so that you may climb out of this hole. I know Tamara ripped your dress up like the jealous little cunt she is, but _I _am going to transform those rags you're wearing into the prettiest, sexiest, and eye-catchingest gown in the kingdom! And we'll do something different with your hair, too, because loose just doesn't suffice for a royal ball."

"I can go to the ball?!" Kendappa asked excitedly. "Really?"

"Of course! Now, stand up," Vahyu commanded as he got up himself, grabbing his wand and flourishing it. "Technically I'm supposed to have a long song for this, something with nonsense words that gets stuck in your head, but I think that's a stupid rule so I'm going to ignore it. And guess what? Not only will I make you a dress, I'll make you a carriage, horses, and a footman too! But for now…

"Rags, rags, ripped and torn – Become the best dress she's ever worn!" he practically sang as he waved his wand in circles, and it made a tinkly noise as it shed lilac sparkles, which wrapped around Kendappa.

She watched in astonishment as the rags began to mend themselves, but not into the dress she'd made. No, this dress had a corset instead of just a bodice, pushing her boobs up and showing a hell of a lot of cleavage. This dress had wider, fancier, tiered skirts with a train off the back, and lots of little sequins sewn on. This dress had no wide sleeves, but she was suddenly wearing silk gloves up to her upper arms, with gold and sapphire bracelets to match the necklace she was now sporting. And this dress was a lighter, pastel blue, offset with darker blue.

Her feet were clad in dainty blue glass slippers, whoa. And her hair was styled much more elaborately than it ever had been before: with big loops by her ears, rolled up with giant round gems with gold accents, then the rest piled atop of her head and bound with lengths of gold and sapphire jewelry. She was also wearing makeup, blue eyeshadow and pink lipstick, with perfect foundation and blush too. All in all, this was the complete opposite of how she'd looked not even a minute ago. Even her red, puffy eyes had been magicked back to normal.

"What do we say after that, Cinderkenda?" Vahyu prompted impatiently, and she stared down at her boobs on display, managing a weak, "Um, you know, I don't feel fully comfortable with –"

"NO! We say, 'Thank you genius Fairy Godfather, your fashion sense is matched only by your beauty and power,' " he shot back, and she, wisely recognizing a losing battle when she saw it, parroted that as sincerely as she could.

"Sparkleflower!" Vahyu said imperiously, now pointing the wand at a gnome with sky-blue jerkin. "You will be Cinderkenda's footman, and I will transform you into a gorgeous stud, because a gnome footman just isn't the effect we're going for."

"No it's not, Lord Vahyu!" was Sparkleflower's enthusiastic, squeaky response, and all the other gnomes nodded vigorously. Hmm, perhaps they all suffered from low self-esteem?

"Gnome, gnome, short and stumpy – Transform yourself into something hunky!" Vahyu chanted, and before Kendappa could point out that "stumpy" and "hunky" didn't actually rhyme, Sparkleflower was glowing and growing, not just height-wise but in the shoulders and chin area too.

Pretty soon, he was a stud: tall, broad-shouldered, muscular, strong-jawed, cleft-chinned, and tanned, with a brilliant smile and artfully wavy, shiny brown hair. He was clad in a fancy uniform, and as Vahyu eyed him with great pride and interest, he bowed and said in a deep voice, "Thank you very much, Lord Vahyu, I think this will work perfectly."

"Of course it will, Sparkleflower, it's something _I _did. Now, for your carriage and horses!" Vahyu directed at Kendappa, striding over to the pumpkin patch. "Hmm… I think that big one will do nicely! Pumpkin, pumpkin, orange and round – Change to the best carriage to be found!" he chanted with a wink, and sure enough, it did. It was fancier than Parvati's, ha ha!

Kendappa's head was reeling from all this, and Vahyu wasn't even done. He studied something in the pumpkin patch with a look of distaste on his face, then shrugged as if to say, "I work with what I've got." He readied his wand again, and chanted…

"Slugs, slugs, slimy and brown – Become horses to take her all over town! I really would've preferred some mice for this," he said seriously to Kendappa as the slug-horses grew bigger, "but there's never a mouse around when you need one, and always a mouse around when you don't. Oh well. Sparkleflower, hitch up these fine horses," he directed to the enchanted footman, who immediately led the gorgeous white stallions to the carriage and hooked them up to the reins.

"Well, that's that," Vahyu said with pride, patting himself on the back. "Cinderkenda, you may now go to the ball, with your gorgeous dress, your sexy footman, your to-die-for carriage, and your purebred horses. Well hurry up woman, don't just stand there!" he directed impatiently, clapping his hands in a "Chop-chop!" gesture.

"Thank you, Fairy Godfather!" Kendappa cried exuberantly, throwing her arms around Vahyu and hugging him tightly. Alas, he did not hug her back, just huffed, "Cinderkenda, you're wrinkling my tutu _and _your dress. Please desist."

_Sheesh, _she thought in exasperation, but obediently let him go as she asked, "So will you be watching me at the ball?"

"Of course! I've got this _faaabulous_ mirror," he pulled it out of thin air and flourished it, "with which I can see everything! And then when I'm done scrying, I can admire my awesome, glorious, mind-blowingly beautiful face," Vahyu grinned, tossing his hair again.

"Okay," she grinned back, then turned towards the coach and rubbed her hands. "I'll stay out until the ball ends, and I'll –"

"Ooh, one tiny warning," he hastily added, sounding a bit guilty. "The spell only lasts until midnight. So make sure you're away by then, or you'll be wearing Tamara-rags in the presence of the court. That would be just _so _humiliating. We'd both be laughingstocks, and I hate being looked at as anything but a stunning genius."

"Midnight. Gotcha," Kendappa said seriously, as Sparkleflower gallantly helped her into the couch. "Okay, I'll be sure to leave at eleven-thirty, just to be safe!"

Vahyu nodded because this was the sensible thing to do, then watched proudly as Sparkleflower clucked to the horses and they began to move. The former slugs were just _astounded _by how fast they were going, so as you can imagine, when Sparkleflower made them go into a trot their little gastropod brains were practically blown away. Whoa… so this was what feet could do! Awesome!

"Farewell, Cinderkenda, and good luck!" Vahyu called, waving as the rest of the gnomes imitated him. "Tonight is the most important night of your life, so dance like you've never danced before and snare yourself a quality man!"

Unfortunately those last five words were lost because the carriage had gotten far enough away, but oh well. Kendappa waved until Vahyu was hidden by trees, at which point the fairy let his arm artfully drop to his side, struck a weary pose, and sighed to his little gnome helpers, "She needed so much work! I hope everybody appreciates the effort I'm putting into this."

Needless to say, that comment garnered a furious storm of assent and praise, which was exactly what he'd wanted.

.

The palace was everything you'd expect a fairytale palace to be: made of shining white marble, with gratuitous towers and balconies, embellished with real gold (the guards had a very tough time keeping the vagrants from trying to scrape it off), bigger than any other building in the kingdom of Tenkailand, and perched on top of a hill. It was guarded by masses of armed personnel, and you had to go through no less than three gated checkpoints to reach the front doors. Yes, King Taishakuten and Queen Shashi lived in a rock star palace, and they were convinced that this made them far better than everyone else in the universe.

As her carriage rolled up to the first gate, Kendappa suddenly realized that she didn't have an invitation. Oh no, all Vahyu's hard work would be for naught, and she'd be made to turn around and go home. But to her great surprise, when the guard asked, "May I see the invitation?" Sparkleflower produced one with a brilliant smile, as Kendappa successfully fought down her sigh of relief. Wow, fairy godfathers had you covered, obviously.

Finally they reached the impressive palace steps, and Sparkleflower whistled cheerfully as he opened Kendappa's door. As he helped her out, he said in his new deep voice, "And now, Lady Kendappa, your destiny is upon you."

"Thank you, Sparkleflower," Kendappa graciously replied, and it was only her years of dealing with Tamara and Parvati that prevented her from guffawing aloud at calling a muscle man "Sparkleflower." Yeah he was really a gnome, but still.

She walked up the wide marble steps to the massive front gates, thrown open and flanked by more liveried guards. They nodded at her as she nodded at them, and when she stepped into the hall, she couldn't stop a low whistle from escaping her lips. Damn, marble pillars, high vaulted ceilings, more gilding and ornamentation simply everywhere – and once she actually reached the ballroom, she felt a bit faint. She'd never been in this as a girl, and it was simply the most awe-inspiring sight she'd ever seen.

The grand ballroom was easily the biggest chamber in the surrounding ten countries: the size of four Olympic pools, and then some. On the ceiling, fanciful scenes from Tenkailand's history had been painted by a team of the best artists in the business, and the elaborate chandeliers featured gold and crystal from far-flung colonies. The floor was marble, the pillars were Corinthian and marble too, the windows were huge and faced the royal pleasure gardens, and the _people_… Kendappa had never seen so much finery and jewelry in one room.

_It's like an opera, except a hundred times grander._

For a moment she just stood in the doorway, taking it all in, then took a deep breath and walked inside, holding her head high. She'd wanted this, here she was, so the time for being nervous was over. As she moved past she smiled at noble after noble, and they smiled at her too, having no idea that she was a scullery maid.

Hmmm, that tall guy with the long dark hair and handsome face looked familiar, who was – oh. That was Yasha Yamaton, the reason her mother had died. Hmph, Kendappa was going to avoid him, even if it really hadn't been his fault. After all, Yasha hadn't given her mom any encouragement besides smiling and being polite, the same as he did for everybody. Still… if it hadn't been for him, Jikokuten wouldn't have married Parvati.

So she wandered the other way, noting various people she vaguely recognized, but she wasn't worried in the least about them recognizing her. After all, it had been ten years since she'd interacted with any nobility besides her step-family, so even if Lord Zouchouten Southbridge _was_ giving her a look like he was trying to figure out where he knew her from, surely he'd never get it. After all, her hair was styled much differently than it had been when she'd been twelve, and she was poised instead of awkward.

She made her way to the center of the room, nodding at more glittering nobles and various well-groomed servants and guards, wondering where the buffet table was. Or had they all eaten earlier in the dining hall, and the only refreshments here were the champagne and hors d'oeuvres? Just to be safe, she took three hors d'oeuvres when she was offered them, and made sure to give the servant a brilliant smile and a heartfelt thanks, because she knew what it was like. She munched and wandered, making sure not to seem like she was in awe of this ballroom, even when she really was.

Whoops, Tamara was over there, circling the prince with a bunch of other gold-diggers. Best to go in the other – yikes, Parvati! Okay, best to go to the left, since Tamara was in front of her and Parvati was on her right, talking with some fat lady wearing more makeup than a clown. If Kendappa knew Parvati, her stepmother had picked Chubby Clown to stand next to so she herself would look even better in comparison.

So Kendappa hastily turned to go to the left, and then –

Trumpets sounded, angels sang, and flowers bloomed all around, or at least they would have if this had been a movie or manga.

Because Kendappa had seen _her: _a beautiful woman dressed in mostly black, a fancy guard's uniform with a crimson sash and a sword on her hip. She was taller than Kendappa and darker-skinned too, with green eyes that sparkled as she talked to a white-haired woman with a phoenix on her shoulder. The dark woman's hair was black, glossy and shoulder-length, parted on the left side and revealing a golden claw earring in the ear that Kendappa could see. She carried herself with an air of graceful confidence, and suddenly Kendappa _knew _she could kill a man ten times before he hit the ground, and look great doing it.

"Be still my beating heart," our heroine whispered aloud, placing a hand over it as if trying to make it calm down.

For you see, Kendappa was a lesbian, although of course she'd never mentioned that to Parvati and Tamara, who would hysterically decide that she was perving on them. Then they'd probably try to kill her in bigoted fury. She'd never even so much as kissed another female, but she knew herself well enough to realize what she was. And believe it or not, most of Tenkailand would be okay with that.

The kingdom was very liberal in regards to homosexuality, actually. Not only was it not illegal, it was legal to marry someone of the same sex, although the inheritance and title if you had it by necessity had to pass to a relative or adopted child. So, while many neighboring kingdoms executed for "sinful homosexual fornication," Tenkailand said, "Okay. It's all good to us." Needless to say, the country had become rather a haven for people with a same-sex attraction, and a lot of them braved great dangers to make it here.

_Okay, anything that will listen, please let her like women too, and if she does, don't let her already be with someone, _Kendappa prayed as she walked closer, wondering how to introduce herself in a way that wouldn't make Black-Clad Babe uncomfortable.

"…I get so worried about her," Lady Karura Whitehawk was saying to Captain of the Guard Souma Goldenmoon. "She doesn't use common sense. She knows the outside air is bad for her, so what does she do? She goes and chases butterflies in the gardens! Exertion makes things worse, so no wonder she had an attack."

Souma, who loved children and young Karyoubinga in particular, frowned in concern as she asked, "Have you been giving her the syrup I made? It's my mother's recipe, and as you know, she's from a celebrated line of healers. Not to brag, but I think I even improved on her formula."

"I _try_, but she often manages to make me think she took it and then dumps it into the potted plants," Karura growled, sounding quite exasperated. "She hates the taste, and so she –"

"Excuse me," came a soft soprano from Karura's left and Souma's right. "Lady Fountainbridge, I do believe?"

Both Souma and Karura turned to see the smiling Kendappa, who had made that name up off the top of her head. Souma shook her head and replied, with a good-natured smile, "Actually no, madam, I'm Captain Goldenmoon and she's Lady Whitehawk. And you? Please forgive me, I don't recognize you."

Uh-oh, should Kendappa use her real name? Or would it just get back to Parvati?

She decided to go with, "I am Lady Kendappa Gandaraja, Captain. Captain of the Guard, I presume?" she asked with a curtsy, and Souma performed a low bow in reply.

When Souma straightened up, she confirmed, "Yes, I am the Captain of the Guard, Lady Gandaraja. I got the job only three years ago, and it's been quite exciting. You'd think that with a peaceful country like Tenkailand it would be boring, but there are always people who want to strike a blow against the royal family and Tenkailand itself. Ah, but surely you don't want to hear about fighting and such," she chuckled ruefully, shaking her head.

"Actually," Kendappa said brightly, "I would _love _to hear about your daring exploits, Captain Goldenmoon. Perhaps we might dance while you tell me them?" she hinted with a flutter of her eyelashes, desperately hoping that Souma wouldn't frown and say something like, "Interest lost."

Karura's eyebrows rose as Souma decidedly abandoned her and Garuda, with a fervent, "That sounds like a wonderful idea, my lady. Well then, shall we dance?" she asked with a grin, taking Kendappa's hand and leading her over to the dance floor.

The orchestra was in the middle of a set, but Kendappa and Souma just segued into the dance that everybody else was doing. Kendappa was a little rusty but Souma honestly didn't care all that much, because she'd never bought into the worldview that being a bad dancer makes you an inferior person. Granted it would have been nicer if Kendappa were better, but oh well, mostly what Souma had wanted was to talk to this beautiful newcomer.

"So what was the most dangerous thing you've ever done?" Kendappa was asking with eyes as big, dewy, and worshipful as she could make them. "The most dangerous thing _I've _ever done was run across the stones right above a high waterfall. Actually, that was very mean of me, because I pretended to lose my balance and made my mother faint. Not the smartest action, but I thought it was hilarious until my father punished me once we got home."

Souma laughed at that, then replied, "You're just lucky you didn't overbalance. I think my most dangerous thing was fighting an assassin on a burning rampart, and once I killed him, I had to make the biggest jump I'd ever made, onto a neighboring stone wall. I made it, but just barely."

"Burning ramparts? Assassins? How come I never hear about those? I'm _definitely _not saying you're lying," Kendappa hastened to assure her, "I'm just saying you guys do a good job of covering stuff up."

"Oh yes, we try to minimize the impact on the populace," Souma replied, serious as could be. "We don't want them to panic, after all."

They danced to piece of music after piece of music, fast-paced and slow-paced and everywhere in between. They laughed, they smiled, they smirked, they joked, and both felt like the time was just flying by because it was so fun. Souma wanted to dance with Kendappa forever, and while some people might have found that a little strange… hey, they were living in a time and place where love at first sight was not only believed to be true by everybody, but believed to be the purest form of luuurve.

"I must be frank, Kendappa," Souma said suddenly. "This may sound strange to you, but I find you one of the most charming and beautiful people I've ever met. Your personality is so intriguing, and I must say, your laugh is so wonderful that I want to hear it all the time."

"Okay, I'll laugh now," Kendappa said somewhat giddily, and broke into a peal of laughter, which Souma grinned at.

Oh man, oh man, oh man. Souma liked Kendappa too! Kendappa felt like her heart was soaring with the angels, and that she wanted to stay with Souma forever, and also that she could tell Souma everything. She was just opening her mouth to explain her life story, when –

"Souma, you have had enough fun for tonight," came an elegant yet grouchy voice from the right, and both women turned to see a redheaded man with the stupidest hairstyle either of them had ever seen, glaring at them and tapping his foot. He continued, "Last I checked, you were supposed to be on active guard duty, not dance duty. Do you _want _assassins to kill His Majesty?"

Whoa. They were on assassin watch? This was incredibly surprising to Kendappa; why would they hold the balls with a threat like that?

But Souma frowned and replied, "Bishamonten, we've heard absolutely nothing about assassinations for the past six months! Your spy network is quite possibly the best in the world. And I mean, look at how many guards are here, I think it's all right that I'm –"

"You think so, but it's not," was Bishamonten's snappish response. "I have something to discuss with you, so please follow me."

"_Au revoir_," Souma said regretfully to Kendappa, but before she left, she seized Kendappa's hand and kissed it. Needless to say our heroine blushed at that, and Souma sent her a wink before she followed the grumpy-faced Bishamonten. Hmph, he was just jealous.

Actually, he kind of was. Not that Souma had _Kendappa_, but that Souma had been having a wonderful time while he himself had had to listen to Queen Shashi bitch him out, usually over little things that weren't his fault. Sheesh, it was bad enough he'd had to dance with a woman he hated, but she'd stomped on his foot to make a point and loudly said, so that other people could hear, that his indiscretion with a serving maid was most humiliating for the royal family. And then she'd insulted his hair, just like she always did. Oooh… if Taishakuten ever decided to get rid of his wife, Bishamonten would volunteer to push her off a rampart.

"Souma," he said coldly once they were out of earshot of everybody else, "His Majesty is convinced that someone, somewhere in this ballroom, is planning to meet a spy from the Ruladian Empire. I don't think I need to remind you that the Ruladians are a barbaric, ruthless people, whose god tells them to annihilate all nonbelievers. We can't have them getting information about this palace's inner workings, can we?"

"No," Souma said fervently, then had to ask, "Are you _sure _there's a spy, or is His Majesty just being paranoid again?"

Bishamonten puffed up like a fire-headed bullfrog, and snapped, "His Majesty is never paranoid! Stop stalling and start looking. You're dismissed, and you are not to go back to that woman until you, I, or someone else has found that spy and that traitor, and escorted them out of the ballroom down to the torture chamber."

Souma saluted, Bishamonten nodded, and the captain turned away, thinking to herself that this was probably just another wild goose chase. Taishakuten _was _paranoid, to the extreme, and indeed, this latest threat was all in his pretty little head. He got these ideas in it and wouldn't let them go, and because he was the king, nobody save Shashi had the guts to disagree with him.

_Hang on, Kendappa, _Souma desperately thought as she began to scan for trouble. _I hope there really is a spy, because that way if I catch them, I can go back to you instead of wasting my entire night._

_._

Kendappa, at a loss as to what to do after Souma had left, for the longest time just stood staring at the spot where she had last been seen. Wow… what a woman. She was beautiful, she was smart, she was brave, she was badass, she was sexy, she was funny, and she was nice, even though she'd said she once beaten a man's head against a wall until he died. But hey, sacrifices had to be made for the greater good! What was one bashed-in assassin, really, compared to Tenkailand's stability?

Kendappa was just deciding that maybe she should try to find Souma when an awful sight made itself known. There, far away, was Parvati, so far looking to the left but that could change any – oh shit, she'd just looked right at Kendappa! Oh good, she was looking away, she hadn't noticed – oh shit again, she'd done a double-take and was frowning!

Kendappa turned as casually as she could, walking off the dance floor in search of a hiding place. She wanted to break into a run, but that would draw more attention to herself than walking. But oh no, oh no, oh _no_, if Parvati found her she was dead meat! What could she do? Where could she hide? Behind Zouchouten? Well, it would do in a pinch, and she was just about to go over to him when she spotted a tapestry in front of what was a small alcove, judging by the concave shape of the wall above it. Good, that was much better!

She strolled on over to it, glanced casually around, thankfully observed no one looking at her, and so ducked underneath the tapestry and into her hiding place as quickly as she could. Safe! Hopefully.

_Okay. I just have to wait here maybe – maybe five minutes, and peek out before I try to leave. She'll lose interest when she can't find me, right? And then tomorrow, all I have to do is insist I was at home the whole time, and point out that I have no access to the type of clothes and jewelry you need for a royal ball, _she told herself as she leaned back against the cool, marble wall. _I mean, that's all logical, and even though she's a very illogical person, even she won't truly believe I was at the ball when she can't find a dress in my scullery, right?_

Running footsteps could then be heard and she tensed up, only to see the very _prince _rush into her hiding place, with a hunted look on his face and sweat on his brow. He jumped as he realized that there was already somebody here, then desperately pleaded in a whisper, "Please help me out and stay quiet!"

Kendappa nodded solemnly, wondering what in the world would scare a prince so much that he had to hide like a disobedient little boy. And then, from outside the curtain, she heard a familiar voice cry, "Prince Teeeen-_oooou!_ Where'd you go, Prince Tenou?! I wasn't finished talking about your dreamy eyes!"

Tenou sent Kendappa a sheepish yet unrepentant grin, and she sent a conspiratorial one back. Ho-ho-ho! Looked like Tamara wouldn't be marrying the prince after all, if he literally ran away from her. As Tamara's calling got fainter and fainter, her stepsister studied the heir to throne, as he studied her in turn. Tenou saw a babe with dreamboat eyes, hair in such an interesting style, and very nice clothes. Kendappa saw a cute-if-you-were-straight young man, with red hair and big soft brown eyes, dressed in a fancy uniform simply resplendent with medals, sashes, epaulets, and other embellishments.

"What is your name, fair lady?" Tenou asked with another smile, taking her hand and gallantly kissing it. Kendappa, mistakenly assuming that he was just being polite, smiled some more and lied, "I'm Lady Kendappa Gandaraja, Prince Tenou. I'd curtsy, but there's not much room in here."

"And I'd bow, but ditto," he grinned, settling for inclining his head. "So, Lady Kendappa, why are _you _back here? Are you escaping a pushy man?" he asked seriously, like pushy men were the absolute worst beings in the world.

Kendappa seized on this excuse and ran with it, saying with a martyred sigh, "Why yes, Prince Tenou, I am. That horrible Varuna Waterford, he just won't take 'no' for an answer, and I simply _had_ to get away," she fibbed, using the first nobleman she could come up with.

Tenou now looked mortally offended, and replied, "Well, perhaps I shall take Lord Waterford aside and tell him to mind his manners, the next time I see him. Gentlemen should always treat ladies with the utmost respect, don't you agree?"

"Yes. And other ladies should do the same," Kendappa said firmly, because let's face it, certain women had made her life hell while men had generally left her alone so far.

Tenou smiled at this, like Kendappa was really smart and original, and responded with, "But I'm sure you, Lady Kendappa, are always kind to your fellow women. Yes?"

"Of course," Kendappa fake-agreed with a bright smile, omitting the spat-in food and such. Still, c'mon, that was in response to Tamara and Parvati's –

The clock struck eleven-thirty, and her eyes widened in panic. She wanted to stay and wait for Souma, like nothing else in the world, but it was too dangerous. It was eleven-thirty, she had to go. After all, she might encounter some unexpected obstacles, so it was best that she budgeted extra time just in case. Better to be home early than to have her carriage turn into a pumpkin pulled by slugs on a busy street, after all.

So she went back under the tapestry with a polite, "Please excuse me, Your Highness, but I must take my leave now."

"Please don't go!" he cried desperately, catching her wrist, and her immediate urge was to smack repeatedly at his hand.

But instead she pleaded, "Oh Prince Tenou, I wish I could stay, but it's a matter of utmost importance that I go! It's a delicate family matter that would be embarrassing for my father if I didn't return," she lied off the top of her head, and he bought it.

He sighed, reluctantly released her, and then begged, "But you'll be at the next two balls, won't you?"

"Of course I will! I wouldn't miss them for the world," Kendappa said honestly, thinking of Souma.

"Then farewell, Lady Kendappa, and tomorrow's ball can't come soon enough," was Tenou's serious response, and because Kendappa was really dense when it came to men being attracted to her, she thought, _Yup, you're in desperate need of a friend, you poor kid. You must be simply starved for affection, with parents like the king and queen._

The ride home was uneventful, and she made it back with time to spare. She thanked Sparkleflower and watched him park the carriage in the pumpkin patch, then tiptoed inside and made sure to lie down in the dress. After all, since it would turn back into rags, that would satisfy Tamara's requirement that Kendappa be wearing them when she came back. With the covers turned down it would be easy enough to see, so hopefully the wicked stepsister wouldn't wake Kendappa up.

Kendappa drifted off to sleep smiling, thinking of sexy Souma, and her last conscious thought was, _I can't wait for tomorrow night…_

_._

The next morning, Kendappa was in the best mood she'd been in for the longest time – well, before meeting Souma, that was. She sang romantic songs as she prepared breakfast, and Tamara and Parvati's insults barely registered when she served it to them, because she was too busy reliving those magical dances.

Oh, how glorious it had been, to glide across the floor with a beautiful, classy guard! How thrilling it had been, when those lovely emerald eyes gazed into hers! How enjoyable it had been, to engage in conversation with someone who valued her, instead of belittled her! How tempting it had been, to look at Souma's perfect lips so close to hers! And how sucky it had been, when Souma had been pulled away by Bishamonten and then Kendappa had had to leave before she came back.

"Well, I'll make sure to spend as much time with her as possible tonight," she said aloud, as she was elbow-deep in soapy dishwater. "She's _amazing_."

The sudden, tinkly sounds of a tutu-clad man and his entourage made her jump and look excitedly to the side, and yup, there was Vahyu, flanked by the gnomes. But unlike last time, not a single one of them was smiling. Vahyu had a scowl on his face and his hands on his hips, and the gnomes had grumpy expressions and folded arms. They probably thought they looked very daunting, but instead, they just looked like somebody had taken away their favorite high chairs.

"_Well_," Vahyu said dangerously. "We need to have a _discussion_, goddaughter of mine."

Kendappa, perplexed and rather nervous, pointed out, "But I had such a wonderful time at the ball, and I met the woman of my dreams! I have to go back and figure out how to make her love me too!"

"You were _supposed _to fall for the prince!" Vahyu scolded, shaking his wand at her in condemnation. "That's how it has to go! I go to all this trouble of making you a bombshell, the prince gets thrown together with you and catches your wrist to make you stay with him… and you want to go back to see a _female guard?! _I'll never be able to show my beautiful face at the Class of 1435 Fairy College Reunion ever again!"

"You of all people should know that not everyone's straight," Kendappa growled rebelliously, as she folded her arms. "I don't like men! I like _Souma_, so much I almost can't believe it."

"Grk – grrr – arggh –"

Vahyu made these funny noises as his face contorted in a most amusing manner, then he suddenly clenched his hair in his hands and burst out, "Why do _I _get the lesbian godchild?! Everybody else gets straight ones! Cinderkenda, are you sure you're not just bisexual?" he asked hopefully, obviously unwilling to let the Tenou idea go.

"The penis is a disgusting thing," she replied haughtily, and he sighed in defeat, then muttered, "No it's not. It's a beautiful thing."

"Lord Vahyu," a gnome in a moss-green jerkin said timidly, "you're not being very supportive of your godchild, sir."

"Be quiet, Glimmerfern!" Vahyu barked, and the gnome cowered back. "I just needed some time to adjust to the idea, that's all. But now that I'm starting to accept how I'll be a laughingstock for the rest of my life, I'm sure I can help Cinderkenda land Souma. Yes, all the other fairies will snicker behind my back and to my face about my failure to marry my godchild to a prince, but I will help her in her quest to woo the female guard," he said in a martyred tone.

"Thanks Fairy Godfather, you rock," Kendappa grinned cheerily, giving him two thumbs up. "I don't suppose you'd be able to use your magic to help me wash these dishes, in the meantime?"

Vahyu nodded with a little smirk, flourished his wand, and chanted, "Dishes, dishes, all dirty and drab – Wash yourselves and that'll be fab!"

With more lilac twinkles, the dishes glowed, rising up from the soapy water as the food and grease slid right off, running off them in waves along with the water and suds. As Kendappa watched with wide, impressed eyes, they then flew into the cupboards and drawers, stacking themselves neatly as the water began to drain and the sparkles swirled all around Vahyu, which Kendappa was pretty sure was for pure aesthetic effect.

Soon the countertop was shiny and clean as well, and Vahyu flapped his wings with a smug, "There you have it."

"Sweet. Thanks again, Fairy Godfather. Um, so… what time should I be in the garden tonight?" Kendappa asked seriously, not wanting to waste any time that could be used interacting with Souma.

"As soon as Tamara and her mother leave, go out there," was Vahyu's answer. "I'll be watching you with the mirror, so you won't be waiting more than a couple seconds. Now… I'll be giving you a new dress, because if you wear the same one twice, people might notice. Souma will certainly notice, and so will Tenou, and they'll think you're poor."

She gave him a weird look and patiently reminded him, "I _am _poor. I had to alter that gown myself, remember?"

"Yes. Well. But you don't want to _look _poor! You want to _look _wealthy, trust me on this," Vahyu said seriously, and the gnomes all nodded in unison. "But worry not, because with me around, you'll look very wealthy indeed. Now, I'll leave you to your duties, and remember, don't let Tamara and Parvati know you were at that ball!"

With that he and his merry band of midgets vanished, before Kendappa could groan, "How stupid do you think I am?"

Hmph! Maybe Vahyu thought women were all idiots; a certain type of gay man often thought like that. Oh well, at least he'd agreed to help her, even though she would have stolen one of Tamara's gowns and snuck into the ball if he hadn't. Souma was all-important! No matter what happened, Kendappa was going to see her again, and then they'd –

"Lollygagging on duty, Cinderkenda?" Parvati sneered, stepping into the kitchen then blinking in surprise at the clean counter. She recovered fast, though, and smirked, "Well, we'll find something else for you soon enough."

"I'm sure you will, Parvati," Kendappa said as demurely as she could, while thinking, _Die bitchwitch._

"That was quite a ball last night, wasn't it, Cinderkenda?" the older woman then asked, in the casual tone people use when they're trying to trick you into incriminating yourself.

But Kendappa had expected this, and gave her a politely questioning look as she replied, "I wouldn't know, I wasn't there. I certainly hope you enjoyed it, though."

"I saw you there!" her stepmother insisted, with much more conviction than she actually felt. "You were wearing a blue dress with gloves and your hair was all bound up with gold and sapphires! It was you, don't deny it!"

Kendappa now put on a very confused expression, as she responded to that statement with, "No, it wasn't me. The only blue dress I have is the one I'm wearing now, and as you can see, it's patched and ugly. I wouldn't even be allowed into a ball with this dress. And I don't own any gloves, gold, or sapphires either. And, I mean, how could I even get there? By walking? No, I was here the entire time, ma'am."

Parvati now looked embarrassed, obviously thinking that she'd just seen someone who looked like Kendappa. But she covered it up with a sneer of "Wash the floors, Cinderkenda, don't just stand there. You're worthless when you just stand there!"

Kendappa smiled, nodded, and obeyed, then giggled behind her hand when Parvati was gone. Of course, this did mean she'd have to be extra careful tonight, but she was sure she could handle it.

And finally, evening had arrived. Parvati and Tamara were of course as excited as they'd been the day before, and Tamara just had to taunt Kendappa again. But, to the stuck-up young woman's great annoyance, not even that could damp down Kendappa's high spirits, as she was mentally already dancing with the gorgeous Souma. And as soon as her annoying step-relatives were gone, she stepped outside into the garden, where Vahyu was already waiting.

"Let's get this show on the road," he urged, tapping his wand into his palm. "You _do_ realize you don't have to wear those rags all the time, yes? I can just as easily enchant your regular clothes into a gown."

Kendappa, feeling a little embarrassed, muttered a soft, "Oh," as Vahyu chanted the spell to make a gown.

This time, while it was still blue, it was slinky and silk, with a low V-neck that bared her shoulders as well, a train of darker blue trimmed with gold, and fantastic, Oriental embroidery on the skirts. She was also sporting a beaded slave bracelet of gold and sapphire on her right hand, her hair was rolled again by her ears but bound into a long braid everywhere else, and her feet were clad in glass slippers this time too. Apparently Vahyu had a fondness for glass slippers; it was probably a fairy godparent thing, she decided with a little smirk.

"Ta-daa! Now for the carriage and horses," he grinned, traipsing over to the pumpkin patch and enchanting the exact same pumpkin and one of the same slugs. This slug was all excited, because it had feet again!

"Now hurry up, get in! You want to miss as little of this ball as you can," Vahyu proclaimed, pushing Kendappa towards the carriage, but Sparkleflower piped up, "Lord Vahyu, she needs me to drive it, remember?"

"Oh. Yes, yes she does. Gnome, gnome, short and stumpy – Transform yourself into something hunky!" Vahyu hastily chanted, and Sparkleflower grinned like a fool as he became Sparklestud again.

All set! The horses were hitched up, the lady was helped inside, the footman cracked the reins, and they were off. Vahyu waved again with all the other gnomes, then sighed wearily. Man, it still sucked that she wouldn't end up marrying the prince, and Vahyu just _knew_ that the other fairy godparents had gotten wind of this by now. Fairy godparents liked to use their mirrors to keep tabs on the competition, and unfortunately he was currently losing the game, which made him pretty darn mad.

But, he firmly reminded himself, he wanted her to be happy, right? And she'd be much happier with Souma than Tenou.

.

Souma kept looking around for her lady, compulsively and no matter what she was doing. Even during the formal procession to start the ball off, she'd been scanning the crowd for Kendappa. She hadn't seen her, and she was pretty sure she wasn't here yet, because she herself was very easy to pick out of a crowd. She'd thought about walking around, but hey, when you were lost you were supposed to stay put so searchers weren't missing you, so it was the same trying to connect with a love interest too.

_Oh, Kendappa… hurry up and find me! I want to spend as much time with you as possible, before King Paranoia's loyal toady corrals me for some other stupid, non-existent problem, _she thought sullenly, glaring at Bishamonten, whose foot was being stomped on again by a nastily grinning and high-heeled Shashi.

Yup, that woman was evil, there was just no way she wasn't. She was the Queen B – for Queen Bitch. Except when people said "Queen B" around her, she thought they were saying "Queen Bee" and smiled proudly, because the queen bee was more powerful than any of her drones! Ha, they were saying that Shashi was the power behind the throne, so she'd often grin, "Why yes, I _am _the Queen Bee," and never pick up on the facial twitches which meant they were holding back guffaws.

"You seem positively jumpy tonight," Karura's laconic voice came from Souma's side, and the captain sighed, "I'm looking for Kendappa. I wasted all my time last night searching for a spy and informant who didn't exist, and I want to make sure she isn't angry at me."

Karura smiled, which was actually a pretty rare expression for her, and knowingly replied, "You really, _really _like Kendappa, don't you? She does seem very nice, and I think she's just as fond of you as you are of her, judging by the way she flushed after you kissed her hand, and stared after you for the longest time. I just happened to be near, and I just happened to notice."

Souma lit up at that, and was just asking, "Really?" when a familiar voice came from behind her: "Souma! Souma, hello!"

The black-clad guard turned with a smile on her face, and there was Kendappa, wearing another gorgeous dress and looking at her like she never wanted to look away. Souma kissed her hand again, which made her grin even brighter, and Karura murmured, "Souma was consumed with hope that you would come, Lady Kendappa."

"Aw, really? That's so nice, Souma," Kendappa tittered, then belatedly tacked on, "Hello, Lady…?"

"Lady Karura Whitehawk, my best friend," Souma smiled gaily, indicating her. "And her pet phoenix, Garuda. Karura is a decorated war hero, who single-handedly defeated Bogro the Barbarian in mortal combat."

"Well, not _single_-handedly," Karura said serenely, patting Garuda's neck. "Garuda helped me very much. He's a warbird, you see, he was trained since hatching to assist me in fighting. But he's also very gentle, and my sister Karyoubinga just loves him. Would you like to see a picture of Karyoubinga?" she asked brightly, pulling a small card out of her handbag.

Kendappa was about to say, "Sure! I love kids," but Souma was frantically shaking her head behind Karura, because Lady Whitehawk could talk your ear off about her beloved younger sibling. In fact, only two people in this ballroom could withstand more than five minutes; her lifetime friend Zouchouten had broken Souma's record of half an hour just last night, with a whopping forty-eight minutes of sister-pride endurance. It would be pretty hard to beat that.

But too late, Karura had handed the small portrait to Kendappa and was bragging, "Isn't she just the most adorable little girl you've ever seen in your life?"

"Yes," Kendappa agreed, and she meant it. Karyoubinga _was _adorable, and the family resemblance to Karura was clear. They had the same coloring, and even similar hairstyles.

Souma, despairing that Kendappa would waste tons of time talking to Karura, took the bull by the horns and asked, "Karura, would you mind terribly if Kendappa and I danced right now? This is the beginning of one of my favorite minuets, after all." _Please say you don't mind, or I'm going to have to get back at you somehow._

Karura frowned and Souma's face fell, but Kendappa immediately thrust the miniature portrait back into the pale woman's hand, directing an eager, "I would _love _to start dancing!" at Souma, and going so far as to take her hand.

Karura, being a smart person, had figured out that Kendappa was much more interested in Souma then Karyoubinga, and sighed in defeat, "Oh, go ahead. Maybe I'll go talk to Zouchouten," she muttered to herself, searching for her pal. He wasn't hard to find, since he was taller than everybody else by at least six inches.

As Karura went over to her old friend, Souma led Kendappa to the dance floor, saying animatedly, "I was looking all over for you, because I wanted to make sure you weren't upset about last night. You see, Bishamonten told me there were a spy and informant here, and ordered that I couldn't go back to you until they were found. But they weren't found, because they didn't even exist. I'm sorry you were waiting until the end, and I tried to catch you and explain as everybody left, but I missed you."

"Well, actually, I had to leave early," Kendappa awkwardly explained, then grinned, "But I'm glad to know you were trying to get back to me."

They began to dance then, Souma of course taking the lead like before, and for long minutes, all they did was dance and smile like idiots at each other. Everybody else barely registered, even when the lady to the left fell down, or when that couple to the right started arguing. All that really existed to Kendappa and Souma were each other, and the music. And _feelings_, don't forget the very important feelings. Like happiness, love, enjoyment, a little nervousness, and yes, sexual attraction, which technically might not be an actual feeling but oh well.

"Oh, Souma," Kendappa finally whispered, "I've never seen anyone or anything as beautiful as you. I had to come back tonight no matter what, because I needed to see you again."

"Oh, Kendappa," Souma whispered back, "I'm in love with you, actually."

And with that she let go of her hand and waist, took Kendappa's face gently in her hands, and guided their lips together for a chaste yet very heartfelt kiss, passionate even. Kendappa kissed back, equally enthusiastic, and both of them felt like their hearts couldn't possibly swell any more without exploding. Thankfully such a painful and bloody occurrence was not visited upon them, and instead they kept up the liplock past the point of needing breath, so by the time they finally broke apart each of them had to gasp for much-needed air.

"I love you too," Kendappa panted, stroking Souma's bangs out of her face. "Oh God, I think I might have even loved you since the moment I laid eyes on you."

Souma smiled a smile brighter than any Kendappa had ever seen before, captured both of Kendappa's hands, and said with much emotion, "You've just made me the happiest woman alive, telling me that. I am _so _glad you came to these balls, because I must admit that if we've met before, I've forgotten it."

"I'm not actually supposed to be here," Kendappa whispered into Souma's ear, keeping a wary eye on the people around them. "It's a long, fantastic story."

"This is a long piece of music," Souma whispered back. "Go ahead and tell me it, I'd love to hear why you're not supposed to be here."

Kendappa took a deep breath, let Souma twirl her around, then was back to dancing close as she began, "Okay. It's nothing bad on _my _end, I'm not a criminal or anything. You see, my mother died when I was young, and my father married Lady Westgold and –"

"Oh, _her_," Souma sneered, sounding disgusted. "I think her husband ran away because he couldn't stand her. So she's your stepmother? That means Tamara is your stepsister, and if I recall correctly, her second husband was Lord Easternharp. So that must mean you're his daughter that everybody thought was dead," Souma breathed, and Kendappa stared at her in surprise, stunned by how much her beloved could figure out from one incomplete sentence.

But she nodded and replied, "Yes, that's me, Kendappa Easternharp. I'm not dead, I'm just a domestic slave. See, once my father went up to join the Great Hunting Lodge in the Sky, Parvati had her lawyer transfer all my inheritance to her and Tamara! They kicked me out of my room and made me do all sorts of servant stuff. They call me 'Cinderkenda' because I have to sleep near the embers of the fire for warmth, and the ash gets in my hair. They treat me horribly, but I'm saving up to make my escape and I'll get back at them before I leave.

"When I heard about these balls, I altered a dress Parvati threw out, so I could come here and pretend I was a noble again for one night. But Tamara saw it, and ripped it up, then made me wear the rags so the bitch and her bitch mommy could laugh at me. I lost my cool in the garden when they were gone – and then my tutu-clad, gay fairy godfather Vahyu came to the rescue," she said seriously, and it was Souma's turn to be surprised.

"I thought there were only fairy _godmothers_," she said in an awed tone. "I've never heard of a fairy godfather before, but I guess if he's a cross-dressing gay man they thought it was okay."

"He actually says he wants to wear leather pants and an open shirt, but he's not allowed to," Kendappa sighed dismally, with much sympathy for Vahyu. "Anyway, he enchanted those rags into the gown I was wearing and this one too, enchanted a pumpkin into a coach, enchanted a gnome into my footman, and magicked up my invitations. But if Parvati and Tamara see me, they might very well lock me up for the rest of my life!"

"Especially since Tenou's gaga for you," Souma muttered ruefully, and Kendappa's jaw dropped in shocked horror.

WHAT?! Oh hell no! Shit, and here she'd thought he was just so lonely he needed a friend, and liked her platonically! Geez, it all made sense now, and she literally kicked herself for not realizing this before.

Souma frowned at the kick, then asked gently, "Didn't you realize? I guess not, judging by your expression. Yes, he's head-over-heels for you. He wouldn't shut up about you all through breakfast, and he almost fell down the spiral staircase he was too busy staring off into space. He thinks he's found his bride, so you'd better go disillusion him while there's still a chance for his heart to heal."

"You're right," Kendappa agreed with a firm nod. "We have to stop this carriage while it can still be stopped. Hold on, Souma, I'll go do it right now. Wait for me in the alcove that has the statue of the guy with wings and a goofy expression, making the 'V for victory' sign."

"Ah, that would be Prince Kujaku, from the prior Stargazer dynasty. By all accounts he was a very odd man with an affinity for crows, and so he demanded that the sculptor portray him with crow wings. There's a legend that the first sculptor was driven mad by his incessant jokes and pranks, like replacing all his tools with sugar sculptures that _looked _like chisels and such. When he tried to use them, naturally they crumbled," Souma sighed, shaking her head at Kujaku's childishness.

Ah yes, Kujaku, Kendappa recognized him now. He was definitely one of the most colorful characters in Tenkailand's history, and many operas, plays, books, poems, and songs had been written about him, most of them humorous. In fact, his name had even become a term for someone who misbehaved badly but didn't cause any real harm: "Oh, little Billy's such a Kujaku, digging the garden up looking for dragon eggs."

"Okay," Kendappa said seriously. "Wish me luck, and I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Good luck!"

With that they both turned away, and Kendappa resolutely looked for Tenou while simultaneously keeping a wary eye out for Parvati and Tamara. Tamara was the biggest threat, because she was so set on stalking Tenou. In fact, when Kendappa found the prince her stepsister was talking to him, luckily facing away from her, but still. What to do? She might not get a chance to talk to him at all, and then –

He'd caught sight of her over Tamara's shoulder and lit up, so Kendappa thought fast. Making a quick "Follow me!" gesture, she turned away just in time. When Tamara looked over her shoulder to see who her favorite person was smiling at, all she saw was a long blue-black braid and the train of Kendappa's gown, and a bunch of other people, so she couldn't really tell who'd made him brighten up.

"Please excuse me, Lady Tamara, I have to go now," he said as politely as he could, starting to walk away. But she seized his arm and wheedled, "Oh but Prince _Tenou_, this is my favorite music! Won't you please dance with me?"

"I'm sorry, it's quite urgent. I, uh, I look forwards to continuing our conversation later," he lied, and she let him go with a huge grin.

He dashed after Kendappa, frantic that he'd lost her, then heaved a sigh of relief as he caught sight of her again. She led him out to the balcony because it was secluded, and she didn't want him being embarrassed by her rejecting him. Unfortunately, he thought that the choice of a secluded balcony was so they could plight their troth with nobody bothering them. Like Tamara, who he was becoming very afraid of, or Shashi, who thought no one in the world was good enough for her baby boy except a princess – and only a very wealthy, powerful princess at that.

The night was magical, it could be no other way. The golden crescent moon shone big in the sky, the stars twinkled, the scent of flowers was all around, and the music could still be heard on this balcony. Of course, now it was a slow, romantic piano and violin piece, because the universe often likes to make things as difficult for people as it can. Kendappa couldn't help but gulp, but she squared her shoulders and turned to face her suitor, who was even looking extra handsome and classy in the moonlight.

"Prince Tenou," she said as firmly as she could, "I brought you out here to tell you something very impor–"

"Oh it's the same for _me_, Lady Kendappa!" he giddily interrupted, seizing both of her hands. "Come with me, my father has to know too." And with that he was practically dragging her back into the ballroom, fully convinced that she had confessed her love for him.

"Prince Tenou, really, I have something important to tell you!" she cried as he hustled her along, gently but inexorably.

"You don't have to tell me, because I already know. But please come along, because my father is an impatient man. Oh dear, he's already tapping his foot, that's a bad sign," Tenou sighed, and he spoke the truth.

Kendappa gulped as they came up to Taishakuten and Bishamonten, and immediately performed the lowest curtsy she'd ever performed. Her nerve failed her as she straightened up and the king stared her down with his snake eyes: cold, gold, and almost dead-looking. Yikes, pissing this man off wasn't something she wanted to to. She recognized a superior personality when she saw it, and quickly decided that now wasn't the time to say she had no interest in Tenou. She'd do it privately, and then Tenou could explain everything to his father when she was far, far away.

Taishakuten asked in an arrogant, icy tone, "Tenou, who exactly is this? I do not recognize her from court."

"This is Lady Kendappa Gandaraja, Father," his son said with a giant smile on his face. "She's the woman I've decided I want to court. Isn't she wonderful?" he asked in infatuation, throwing an arm around Kendappa's waist as she smiled as unsuspiciously as possible.

"Hmm. That remains to be seen," Taishakuten murmured, as Bishamonten obediently nodded in agreement. "So, Lady Gandaraja, you are in love with my son as well?"

_No. _

"Of course," Kendappa smiled, unaware that she was digging herself a deeper and deeper grave. "Tenou is everything a prince should be."

Bishamonten chipped in, "Yes, Prince Tenou is not only a superb fencer and horseman, but a scholar and poet as well. He is very much his father's son in intelligence and martial skills. You, Lady Gandaraja, are incredibly fortunate that he is paying such close attention to you, so do try to be worthy of it."

"Yes, sir," was Kendappa's demure response, while she thought in the privacy of her head, _Jerkwad. And your hair is so gay, with that updo._

"Well, Tenou, I have seen enough. You may continue dancing, staring into each other's eyes, and all that romantic folderol," Taishakuten said dismissively, then without a word turned off and walked towards the punchbowl, as Bishamonten followed like an obedient dog at his heel.

Tenou took Kendappa's hand as Taishakuten turned back around, leading her off with a huge grin on his face. Taishakuten watched her retreating back, then murmured to his updoed spymaster, "Find out everything you can about Lady Kendappa Gandaraja, Bishamonten. The family Gandaraja does not ring a bell, and I pride myself on knowing my nobility. I pray I am just forgetful, because she does look familiar, but if not… we must nip this attraction of Tenou's in the bud."

"Last night, I observed her dancing with Souma as well," Bishamonten revealed with a frown. "I think she doesn't know what she wants. It's my personal belief that she is bad for your son, sire."

Boy, was she. She was planning to trample on his heart with spiked boots, and she was making it worse the longer she encouraged him. Yup, Kendappa had bad points, there's no sense in pretending she didn't.

As Tenou led her to the center of the dance floor, she tried to figure out a way to get out of this obvious upcoming dance, no doubt in the middle of everybody else ringing them. Oh shit, Parvati and Tamara would surely see her then! But she had no real way to get out of this, and as Tenou bowed and offered her his hand, she decided that what she had to do was tough it out, because she couldn't think of how to avoid it.

The orchestra struck up a lovely tune, and Tenou asked with much eagerness, "Shall we dance, Kendappa?"

"Sure," she replied, and that was just what they did. And yup, everybody else was ringing them, all the other hopeful young ladies glaring and muttering. The prince was obviously more into this bitch than anyone else he'd danced with.

Tamara, standing next to Parvati, gave voice to a small choked noise as Parvati bared her teeth in a snarl. That _was _Kendappa there! How she'd managed it the wicked stepmother had no idea, but that was definitely Cinderkenda! She must have stolen all that finery, Parvati decided, and hired a coach once she and Tamara had left. Her stepdaughter's duplicity was one for the books, and she was going to pay for it, oh yes she was.

Parvati couldn't exactly throw a fit in front of all these important people, but once all three of them got home, she was locking Kendappa in the highest room of the tallest tower so she would never get out again. And when Tenou came to look for her, she would insist that there was no such person living here, but dear Tamara would be happy to entertain dear Prince Tenou. Parvati and Tamara had the hardwired inability to realize that attractive young men might not find Tamara as wonderful as they did, so the mother was convinced that the daughter could win her beloved over.

Souma, meanwhile, was staring in confused jealousy. Kendappa had said she was going to tell Tenou she didn't love him, and here she was dancing with him in front of everybody?! What was going on here? Was she playing both sides and really didn't love Souma at all? It hurt, it hurt like the time that horse had kicked the captain in the chest, and she attempted to catch Kendappa's eye and mouth, "How could you do this to me?"

"This is so cute," Zouchouten was saying jovially to Karura, nodding at Tenou and Kendappa. "Isn't it sweet? He really likes her, I can tell. Hey… what's with the sour face?" he asked in concern, because Karura was glaring with her mouth twisted to the side, and Garuda was hunching his shoulders like a vulture.

Karura considered what to say to this, and finally came up with, "She's not what I thought she was. I thought she liked _Souma_, but it's very clear that I was wrong."

"Well, Karura, I hate to say it, but you were indeed wrong this time. For once," Zouchouten sighed, making his pal fold her arms and mutter, "I don't like her anymore."

Finally the dance (torturous for Kendappa, awesome for Tenou) came to an end, and everybody applauded. Kendappa faked a smile, but her mind was racing with scary thoughts. Tamara and Parvati had to have seen that, even though she hadn't noticed them, and so had Souma. Souma was probably confused and angry, so Kendappa had to get away from Prince Clingy and explain her bad decisions. Surely Souma would understand! And surely she would have a genius idea of how to defuse this situation.

Well, maybe Kendappa should try one more time to get Tenou alone and explain things. She tugged his sleeve and whispered, "Can we go back out to the balcony?"

"Of course," was his happy reply, as he gallantly offered her his arm. "I love spending time alone with you."

Unfortunately, when they approached the balcony, it was very clear that another couple had commandeered it. A tall man with wild black hair was down on one knee, as a starry-eyed cutie with long fawn hair in an elaborate braided style was holding both his hands, and blushing very fetchingly at his words:

"Oh _Shara_, I know your family has hardly any money or lands ever since your father started drinking and gambling, and I know my family is very rich and my mother wants me to marry a duchess… but I _love you! _Please, my darling, _marry me_, and we'll never be unhappy again even if people do make snarky comments!"

"Oh, _Rasetsu!_" Shara cried giddily, and Kendappa rolled her eyes at her girly tone. "Yes, I'll marry you! Yasha can just marry Duchess Gigei, right?"

"Uh… sure," Rasetsu said lamely, obviously unwilling to discuss his brother's homosexuality. "Anyway, let's seal our engagement with a passionate kiss."

Tenou tugged Kendappa's arm as Rasetsu and Shara did just that, and frantically whispered, "Okay, we should go now. We've eavesdropped on their private moment enough."

Reluctantly, Kendappa let herself be steered to a deserted alcove, and took a deep breath. She had to go through with this, or else things would just get worse. She disengaged his hand from her arm, stepped away, took a deep breath, and made herself look him in the eye.

"Prince Tenou, I…" She fully expected to finish with, "– am a lesbian," but his puppy dog eyes proved her undoing. Okay, quick, think of a lie that wouldn't immediately break his heart!

And then it hit her, so she dropped her eyes to the side and sighed, "– Will be leaving for another country in three days' time. I can't get out of it, my father insists. He's an invalid," she went on, making it up as she went, "and I'm the only one who can care for him correctly."

Tenou looked like she'd punched him in the gut. He desperately pleaded, "If it's medical care he needs, we have the best doctors in the kingdom here at the palace! I'd be more than happy to let him stay here for treatment, and of course you'd be here too. What is it that he suffers from?"

Uh-oh, the first falsehood hadn't worked, so as is often the case, Kendappa had to build on it: "Oh, this is ever so embarrassing, Your Highness, but he is, in addition to being a quadriplegic, sick in the head. He firmly believes that cheese talks to him and that he's the reincarnated Tentei the Great. He calls me 'Kisshouten' and everything, and throws fits about Kujaku dumping vinegar into his tea just to see the faces he makes."

Tenou now seemed exceedingly perturbed, and muttered, "Your life must be so hard, caring for him. I hate to say this, but I don't think my father would consent to having a luna– a man touched in the head in his palace. Please don't think I'm the same, but my father is the king and I don't want to annoy him. Oh, Lady Kendappa… how I wish you could stay. I – well, you won't be gone forever, right?" he asked hopefully, using the puppy dog eyes again.

Kendappa decided that she would simply fake her death abroad, maybe by writing a letter from "her father" informing Tenou that his beloved was no more, or maybe just by avoiding him for the rest of her life. She would have to leave the manor anyway, because Parvati would go berserk about Tenou and Tamara would join in, so all she had to do was send a letter to Souma explaining everything.

So Kendappa smiled at Tenou and cooed, "Oh no, I won't be gone forever! It'll only be for about two months. It will seem so long, but –"

The clock struck eleven-thirty, with booming chimes that made her face go pale. Yikes, she had to get out of here! The shit would really hit the fan if she were stranded here wearing rags, instead of running away with her money before Tamara and Parvati got home. So she picked up her skirts and turned to flee, saying over her shoulder, "I've got to go!"

"Wait, please, just a minute!" Tenou frantically bawled, but she took no notice.

She ran this time, uncaring about how everybody was looking at her, because she had to make her escape. Unfortunately Tamara noticed her dashing towards the doors, and grabbed her mother's arm as she yowled, "She's going home! We can punish her there!"

"Walk slowly to the door, Tamara," Parvati hissed through gritted teeth, her eyes flashing with hatred. "We don't want her to realize we're following her! But once we get back… she's going to wish she'd never been born!"

.

Blissfully, completely, and unfortunately unaware that her wicked step-family was stalking her, Kendappa galloped down the wide front steps of the palace, making the guards give her weird looks. Those looks only intensified when she yelled, "Sparkleflower! SPARKLEFLOWER! We have to go _now!_"

Sparkleflower, who had been murdering three other carriage drivers in an impromptu game of poker, slammed his hand down with a sighed, "I fold," and scooped his winnings into his purse. The other drivers had mixed reactions; two of them were glad he was leaving so he couldn't take any more of their money, and the other one was mad because he would have won this hand, judging by Sparkleflower's revealed cards.

But nope, the enchanted gnome was done, and was running back to the pumpkin carriage as he called, "I'll be right there, Lady Kendappa!"

Kendappa didn't wait for him to bring the carriage up, just darted towards it and got there about the same time he did. There was no time to waste! The farther away from home she was when Parvati and Tamara came back, the better.

He helped her inside, asking as he did, "My lady, what's the rush? Has something gone wrong?"

"More like, what _hasn't _gone wrong?" Kendappa grumbled as he hopped up onto the seat. "The prince thinks I love him, Souma probably does too, King Taishakuten creeps me out, and I _know _Tamara and Parvati know who I am! That's why we've got to get home as fast as possible, so I can escape and make my way to an inn with my money. I can't go anywhere without that, or else I'm screwed."

"That _does _sound bad," he agreed as he snapped the reins. "Well then, hi-ho, off we go!"

Tamara and Parvati came out the door just as Kendappa's carriage disappeared from sight, seething and red-faced in their fury. Parvati turned to her daughter and gritted, "Don't worry, Tamara, we know exactly where she's going, so we'll catch her."

"True," her daughter snickered. "She can run, but she can't hide! I can't believe she thinks we're so stupid we wouldn't recognize her. She has a lot of nerve, doesn't she Mother?"

"She's the nerviest little wench I've ever met!" Parvati proclaimed as she signaled her carriage driver to bring it to the foot of the steps. "And after all we've done for her too, giving her a place to stay after her father died."

"Ungrateful bitch," was Tamara's wholeheartedly believed response.

The browbeaten footman helped Tamara up first, then Parvati, and he was too afraid to ask why they were leaving the ball early. Both women were fond of giving out tongue-lashings, so while he wondered why they were so upset, he knew better than to ask why. He also knew better than to question Parvati's order of "Get home as fast as you can, Deva, but without jarring us!"

"Yes, my lady," he obediently acquiesced, privately thinking that she was making it impossible to please her. If he went too fast, she'd yell about being bounced around, but if he went slow enough not to jostle them, he'd be yelled at for lollygagging. So he'd probably just have to alternate between fast and slow, whichever one she bitched at him to do at any given point in time.

As the carriage began to move, Parvati sneered, "Cinderkenda is going to rue the day she lied to me about being at these balls. She wouldn't have been in so much trouble if she'd admitted what she did on the first day, but now that she's stealing your Prince Tenou, Tamara… she'll pay dearly!"

"What are you going to do to her, Mother?" Tamara asked in an eager tone. "Are you going to _kill her? _Can we bash her head in with a skillet, or stab her with a kitchen knife? Or can I push that Tenou-stealing trollop down the stairs, and we'll bury her in an unmarked grave?"

Parvati chuckled, like such violent wishes were so cute, then replied, "If I get to her before you do, I'm going to march her straight up to that room in the tower we never use, the one that's freezing in the winter and boiling in the summer, due to all the holes in the roof. She'll live out the rest of her days on gruel and water, and maybe, we might 'forget' about feeding her after a while," she grinned nastily, rubbing her hands together in the classic "scheming evildoer" gesture.

Tamara giggled wickedly, very wickedly indeed, and tittered, "That'll teach her!"

Parvati nodded with the grand manner of an empress, then patted her daughter's head and soothed, "And then when Prince Tenou tries to find her, we'll swear that we have no idea who she is, but he's more than welcome to come in and have tea with us. I'll play the piano and you can sing, honey, and if your gorgeous voice doesn't win him over, nothing will! And of course it _will_, because your voice could charm a dragon into loving you," she complimented, and Tamara preened like the prima donna she was.

They both fell silent then, as Parvati planned out how to get Kendappa up to that tower and Tamara fantasized about how it would be when Tenou came over. He would show up looking extra manly and sexy, with polished boots, a sword, and a cape alongside his dress uniform with all those fancy medals – all of which were for things like "Winner of Debate Class" and "Jousting Champion," not actual military or heroic deeds. Not that he wouldn't have earned some medals in battle too, it was just that he'd never had to actually fight. So Shashi had prodded Taishakuten to give their son medals for mundane accomplishments – much like children in our time get trophies for stupid things like "Most Improved Trier" in elementary school.

But Tamara wasn't thinking about that, Tamara was thinking of how she would answer the door in a gorgeous, form-fitting dress, and Tenou's eyes would go wide even though he was there for Kendappa. He'd stare at Parvati's daughter in awe, suddenly realizing how beautiful she was! Doubts would start to creep into his mind about Kendappa, and then Tamara would say…

"Why, _Prince Tenou!_ We had no idea you were coming, or we would've cleaned this place up a bit. But please, Your Highness, do come in and we'll serve you some tea," she'd say with nothing but bright politeness in her voice, leading him into the spotless manor.

"Gosh, Tamara – you don't mind it I call you that?"

"Oh no," she'd giggle, sounding oh so cute. "You can call me anything you want!"

He'd smile a brilliant smile and continue, "Gosh, Tamara, this house is almost as beautiful as you are! But, um, I came over here to ask if you'd seen Lady Kendappa. You remember, from the ball?"

"I remember her, but I have no idea who she is," she would say breathily, steering him to a chair as Parvati made an entrance with some tea and crumpets. "But please, won't you have tea with us? And then I can sing to you too, to make you feel better. I'm ever so good at singing, and it's the most important thing in the _world _to me that you be happy."

Tenou would flush and feel very drawn to Tamara, and drink cup of tea after cup of tea, just to be near her longer. And when she sang, she would sing "My Prince, My Love," which she had written herself about him. He would decide at that moment that he no longer loved Kendappa, and that her stepsister was his soulmate! He would propose then and there, on bended knee, and she would accept with happy tears in her eyes as Parvati cried proudly too.

Ha, yes, that would be how it would go, Tamara had no doubt.

.

Kendappa burst into the scullery, frantic and breathing harshly from her run here. Damn, the dress had really been a hindrance with that long train, and in fact it had gotten caught in the door and ripped. But she wouldn't have cared even if she didn't have bigger problems, because it was going to turn back to rags in about ten minutes anyway.

"Money," she gasped aloud, dashing for the hidden sack behind the biggest iron pot. "Please let it be enough to live on if Souma doesn't get my message right away!"

With much clanging, she extracted the pouch, and heaved a sigh of relief. Good, it seemed just as heavy as it had been earlier; she'd been paranoid that either her step-relatives or another maid had taken some out. But okay, with this money in hand she was halfway there, now all she had to do was –

The door slammed open, making her jump in horror, and Tamara screamed at the top of her lungs, "_THERE _YOU ARE!"

"Tamara," Kendappa said as normally as she could. 'What's, um, what's wrong?"

"I'll tell you what's wrong, you dead bitch walking! You were dancing with _my _Prince Tenou!" Tamara screeched hysterically, going for Kendappa's eyes. "I'll kill you!"

This time, Kendappa actually _did _beat Tamara's head against the floor, because this was self-defense! Tamara had made a death threat and attempted to tear Kendappa's eyes out, so any judge would say our heroine had the right to defend herself. She slammed Tamara's head against the tiles as her stepsister screeched in pain, then suddenly fell silent because she'd been knocked unconscious. Kendappa delivered two more blows just to be safe – at least, that was what she'd tell the judge, anyway, if she even mentioned these last two at all.

But now, of course, she had to escape, because if Parvati found her daughter unconscious and bloodied on the floor, Kendappa might very well be stabbed with a kitchen knife. So she grabbed the biggest one in case she encountered Parvati on her way to the stables, grabbed her money, and hightailed it out the kitchen door, chanting, "Vahyu, Vahyu, Vahyu! C'mon, help me Vahyu!"

"Oh em gee!" his voice suddenly screeched from the left, making her halt as she was halfway to the door. "That wasn't heroine behavior! That was –"

"Self-defense, that's what it was," Kendappa muttered as she started running again, and Vahyu dashed to catch up. "Didn't you hear her say she was going to kill me?! She was trying to do that!"

"Well, you're just lucky I'm here, because your wicked stepmother is heading this way from the stables," he huffed, yanking his godchild to a halt before she went out the door. She gulped, and he went on, "There's nothing for it, I'll have to transport you even though that's against the rules. Take my arm," he said in a dramatic voice, and she immediately obeyed.

Parvati's voice could then be heard from outside, getting closer as she yowled, "I hear a man! Cinderkenda, you little slut, you've been –"

With the familiar tinkling wind chimes, or whatever the hell sound it was Vahyu made, he and Kendappa were gone in a flash of light. With another flash of light they were somewhere Kendappa didn't recognize, but it was somewhere fancy. As the villainess threw the door open and frowned in confusion because she didn't see anybody, the fairy pointedly removed the heroine's hand and sighed, "These are Souma's chambers. The living room part, obviously."

"She likes black," Kendappa said faintly, gazing at the black furniture, the black curtains, the black rugs, and the black statues. Even the door and window frames were black.

Vahyu arched a perfect brow and drawled, "You didn't figure that out from her outfit, honey? Anyway, why don't you look around. You might as well, you have nothing better to do and she won't be back for at least an hour. I'll just pose on this couch, I'm good at that," he said seriously, draping himself over it like a model for a racy painting. The tutu and tiara spoiled the effect, but oh well.

Kendappa did look around. This living room was nice and all, but none of the drawers contained interesting things. But there were three more doors, and as she tried the first one, she realized it was a fancy bathroom with a black tub and sink, and black shelves and a vanity too. The towels, needless to say, were black, but at least the walls were green, almost but not quite matching Souma's beautiful emerald eyes.

_That bathtub is easily big enough for two, _Kendappa's pervy side thought, and it had been getting much more vocal these past two days. Before, the pervy side had been a stunted, sickly little sapling in the garden of Kendappa's psyche, but now it was a healthy, strong tree bursting with flowers and just rarin' to get even bigger.

But she closed the bathroom door, and wandered over to the next one. This one was locked, because it was Souma's study and she kept sensitive information there. Kendappa pouted, jiggled the handle, and reluctantly had to admit that she had no way of getting in, because she didn't know how to pick locks. Even if she did, this one would've been a particularly hard one to get open; Souma was an accomplished lock-picker herself and she had a lot of trouble with it, which was why she'd chosen it. No lock in this day and age was unpickable, so the best anyone could hope for was very difficult.

So, with her heart pounding because she knew what the last door hid, Kendappa tried the handle, and it was unlocked. When it was locked it was just as hard to get open, but hey, Souma wasn't in her bedroom now, was she? And it was a _nice _bedroom (guess what color the furniture was), with a beautiful four-poster bed and lovely art on the walls, mostly of crescent moons or mandalas. Hmm, Souma liked crescent moons, good to know!

Kendappa stared at the bed, taking in the silk sheets, the nice big size, and the fluffy pillows. She was seized with a certain urge, but wasn't sure if she should follow it or not.

Would it be bad to wait in Souma's bedroom? Would it be bad to wait in Souma's _bed? _Would it be bad to wait _naked _in Souma's bed? Those were all definite yeses, but it was really, really, _reeeally _tempting. Kendappa was pretty sexually frustrated by now, and being a room that smelled like her beloved was making it quite difficult to think of just waiting on the couch or something. Plus, once you were already in somebody's bed, it was much harder for them to kick you out than just not let you into it, human nature being what it is.

"I know what you're thinking, Cinderkenda!"

Vahyu's voice startled her so much she jumped a foot in the air, and as she guiltily turned around the fairy went on, "You want to take your clothes off and hop into Souma's nice comfy bed, then when she comes in you'll seduce her. Well here's what I, as your godfather, have to say to that… make sure your hair is artfully arranged, it's one of your best features," he grinned with a wink, patting her on the head.

"You will, uh, leave before she comes back, and not watch us on your magic mirror, right?" Kendappa asked seriously.

Vahyu nodded grandly and agreed, "Of course, Cinderkenda. I have no desire to watch two _women _make love, after all. As soon as you close that door, I'm going back to the gnomes. We were playing Charades, and I was crushing the other team because I'm good at everything," he smirked with pride.

Kendappa sighed to herself. She honestly liked Vahyu a lot, but his humility abilities left much to be desired.

She said nothing to that effect, though, just stepped inside Souma's bedroom with a soft, "Okay, bye then," and a thundering heart. She was really going to do it! She had no experience whatsoever with sex, but maybe, if she were lucky, Souma would have a better idea of what to do. If not, well, they'd figure it out; they were both women who knew their own bodies, after all.

She lit the lamp, took off her jewelry, took off her dress and tossed it in the corner, took off her undergarments, then finally unbraided her hair. Ooh, the part that had been braided was a little wavy, cool. Maybe Souma would really like that? Or maybe not, but after Kendappa climbed into the fancy, silk-sheeted bed, she took Vahyu's advice and made sure her hair was artfully arranged: spread all around on the pillows and over the covers, which she had positioned at bottom-of-the-ribcage level. BOOBIES! What lesbian could resist boobies, especially when they were as big and perky as Kendappa's?

Now, all she had to do was wait. It was going to be hard, because she was so used to doing something constantly, but maybe she should while away the time by planning out her speech to Souma. And, of course, what to do about Tenou in the morning.

.

Completely unaware of what a sexy tableau was waiting for her in her bedroom, Souma was trudging up the biggest staircase in the palace an hour and forty-nine minutes later, cursing the architect for giving it no landings whatsoever. Nope, just a gazillion steps going up for five floors – with high ceilings. Such are the drawbacks of living in fairytale castles, because they're usually not that practical.

_I'm incredibly upset, _she thought as she climbed higher and higher. _Kendappa told me she loved me, and now I see she really loves Tenou instead! I'm hurt, I'm angry, I'm jealous, and I'm sad, and to be totally honest, I want to challenge him to a duel for her hand, which I have a very good chance of winning. He's good at sparring and training drills, but he's never fought someone for real and I've done that many times. But even if I won… would she just hate me because I killed the man she loves?_

She unlocked her door with a glum expression on her face, and went inside with heavy steps and a heavy heart. She thought about throwing something, but nah, that wasn't the way to go. Souma wasn't a destructive person in the least, and she definitely didn't want to ruin anything in her room. So she crossed to the bedchamber, then stopped short because the lamp was lit in there, and she had definitely not left it on!

She drew her sword, adrenaline pumping through her system, then threw the door open and went into a roll, in case the assassins had been waiting for just that. But nope, nothing came at her, and she heard a cry of surprise in a woman's voice. She sprang to her feet, sword out because women could be assassins too –

And dropped her sword with a clang as she choked on her air, because she was staring at _naked Kendappa boobies_. Kendappa stared at Souma's eyes but Souma just kept staring at her uncovered breasts, her eyes wide and her jaw dropped. If she didn't swallow soon, she'd be drooling too. Right now rational thought processes had taken a trip to Tahiti, and in their place they had left hormones and romantic feelings. It was a good thing Kendappa wasn't an assassin, because if she were she could've easily killed Souma right now, and the captain would probably only notice when her vision started to go dark.

"Hi Souma," Kendappa said as confidently as she could, when her heart was still racing from surprise. "I came in here to explain everything and ask for your help to fix it. And to, um… well, obviously I came here to seduce you too."

Souma's mouth moved but no sound came out, then she shook herself out of it and breathed, "I really don't have a cultured, clever quip for that, so I'm just going to say, 'Awesome!' But I was under the impression that you were in love with –"

"I am _not _in love with Prince Tenou," Kendappa firmly interrupted. "But I'm in a huge pickle because I said I was, since Taishakuten frightened me so much. Souma, it's _you _I love, I'm not even capable of loving a man no matter how nice he is! You're a fun, sweet, intelligent, brave, competent, and beautiful woman, and I've never loved anyone else like I love you!"

Souma heaved a massive sigh of relief, then grinned like a moron and cooed, "I've never been happier than I am right now. Oh Kendappa, I love you so much too! Your duplicity was regrettable, but I'm sure we can figure out how to fix it later. But for now… let's make love, because I'm having a hard time concentrating on anything else when you look like that," she said with complete honesty, which made Kendappa grin proudly.

"And your hair is so pretty right now," Souma continued, walking slowly towards Kendappa, and Kendappa smirked, "Score one for Vahyu. He said to make sure I arranged it nicely, because it's one of my best features."

"Well, he was right – to a point," Souma smirked, gently patting a boob. "These are very nice too, but it's your personality that really draws me in, that and your brilliant smile."

"I like your smile too," Kendappa fervently replied, reaching her arms out. "Can I _please _undress you instead of you doing it yourself? I've never undressed anyone but myself before, you see, since I've never _been with_ anybody else before. So I want to savor every novel experience."

Souma nodded eagerly, letting Kendappa pull her down as she happily responded, "Then this should be extra special, then. Maybe you'll feel bad about this, but I've done it before. But, you know, that means we won't both be fumbling around without a clue, right?" she hopefully encouraged, running her hands through her new lover's hair.

"That's actually sort of a relief," Kendappa admitted ruefully. "Because then you can tell me what to do and you can do all sorts of really great stuff to me. I'm not mad, trust me."

And so they smooched, deeply and with much emotion. And Kendappa took Souma's clothes off, excitedly and with much enjoyment. Then after lots of foreplay Souma went down on her, enthusiastically and with much skill. After which Kendappa learned to do the same thing, eagerly and with much determination to make it good. She succeeded, not least because Souma was being very vocal and telling her what to do and not do. And of course, when you love somebody it feels even better, even if they are new to doing it.

Finally our lovely love interests just lay gasping in each other's arms, contented, satiated, and sparkling with sweat. Kendappa was still having a hard time wrapping her brain around how explosively wonderful that had been, even the part where she was doing the pleasing. It was _fun _and _sexy _to please Souma! And after this, the very thought of even kissing Tenou (or any other male) would make her feel ill.

"Souma," she finally breathed, "if I had any doubts left that I can only love women, and that I love _you_, they were swept out the door after what we just did. That was… 'amazing' just doesn't cover it."

"Does 'glorious' cover it?" Souma teased, and Kendappa shook her head as she replied, "Nope."

"Does 'awe-inspiring' cover it?"

"Close, but no."

"Well, what about 'mind-blowingly, divinely astonishing'?" Souma giggled, tangling her legs with Kendappa's, and the scullery maid giggled back, "_That _covers it, for sure."

There was contented silence for a while, with Kendappa snuggled up against Souma, and darn it if it didn't seem like there were no problems in her life right now. It felt like all the fear and anxiety at the ball had happened a year ago, not three hours ago, and that Tamara and Parvati were completely inconsequential. What could they do to her when Souma would protect her? Heck, maybe Kendappa would just live in these chambers for the rest of her life, and nobody else would ever know. Right now, it felt like she could never get bored or long to be free!

"Kendappa," Souma suddenly murmured, interrupting Kendappa's musings, "I was too excited and grateful before to really think about this, but now I have to know: how in the world did you get in here? No one's ever gotten past my lock before except me."

Kendappa laughed a bit, stroking Souma's cheek, and answered, "Fairy magic. It's all thanks to Vahyu, again. See – oh, this is going to take a while to explain," she sighed, rolling her eyes to the ceiling.

"Well, again, I'd love to hear it and we have time," was Souma's placid response, accompanied by a quick kiss.

Kendappa smiled at that, then launched into, "I'll start with what happened when I found Prince Fanboy. See, I had to get him alone because I didn't want him to be embarrassed when I rejected him – but he didn't even let me finish before he was dragging me over to meet his freaky father. I had every intention of telling them both they'd made a huge mistake… but then I looked into Taishakuten's eyes. I think the Devil has icy, snake-like eyes like that, where you can just _see _his sadistic and arrogant soul," she shuddered, and Souma nodded in agreement.

"So I wimped out," Kendappa admitted with an ashamed sigh. "I took the path of least resistance, and decided I'd break the news to Tenou when Daddy Dearest wasn't around. But then Tenou dragged me off to dance! I had no way to get out of it, and Parvati and Tamara saw me, and so did you, I bet."

"I sure did," Souma said glumly. "I felt like you'd betrayed me."

"Sorry. But at least now you know I didn't. Anyway, I ran home to get my money – it's out in your living room – but I didn't get out in time. Tamara came in and tried to rip my eyes out, so I, well… I defended myself by beating her head against the floor. And I'm not sorry, no matter what I might say when other people are around," Kendappa sniffed, making Souma grin proudly.

"So then Vahyu whisked me away to here, and you know what happened next," Kendappa concluded, then gave Souma a quick kiss of her own.

Souma thought for long moments, then said firmly, "Kendappa, as hard as it is, you have to do the right thing and tell Tenou that you don't love him, even if Taishakuten is standing right there. I'll be right beside you, but things have to be straightened out before they get even worse. I promise, I won't let Taishakuten hurt you!"

With that statement, Kendappa suddenly felt like she'd been such a wimp earlier. Yes, this had to be resolved, so she nodded with conviction and promised Souma, "Tomorrow, as soon as we're done eating breakfast, we'll find Tenou. And I swear to you I'll do the right thing! I feel pretty rotten leading him on like that, but you're right that it will just get worse if we don't fix it."

"I knew you were smart," Souma grinned, then blew out the lamp.

.

Six o'clock the next morning found Souma and Kendappa eating breakfast in one of the non-royal dining halls, because the likelihood of Tenou interrupting their meal was less that way. Mmm, this food was good, Kendappa thought as she ate the best caramel crepe she'd ever tasted. And since Souma was rubbing her foot up and down Kendappa's shin because she was across from her, this breakfast was even better. Yes, this was an idyllic morning, with –

"Well, well, _well_," Bishamonten's cold voice came from the doorway, alongside Tenou's gasped, "Kendappa?"

As the lady of that name and her lover jerked their heads up to stare at the interlopers, Bishamonten continued, "What a surprise, to see a woman wanted for attempted murder right in this palace."

"Attempted _murder?!_" Souma, Kendappa, and Tenou shrieked in unison.

"Miss Easternharp savagely beat her stepsister nearly to death, over whether or not Tamara's gown was pretty," Bishamonten said frostily. "It was an unprovoked attack of brutal –"

"She's lying!" Kendappa cried angrily, clenching her hands into fists. "_She _attacked _me! _She said she was going to kill me, and she tried to rip my eyes out! I defended myself, and you would've done the same! I'll swear on a Bible that's what happened, I'll swear on my dead father's soul, I'll swear on anything you want, because it's the truth! She hates me, so she wants to see me in trouble!"

Bishamonten was not swayed, and sniffed, "All we have here is what you said, and what she said. We have no way of knowing the truth. And frankly Miss Easternharp, I am more inclined to believe Lady Westgold, because _you _have demonstrated duplicity a few times now."

Before Kendappa could think up a good response to that true statement, the best noise in the world that could be heard was heard: wind chimes.

Then Vahyu was proclaiming hotly, "_Au contraire_, my good sir! _I _have a record of the entire thing, on this mirror! I recorded it because I thought it might be useful, and I was right," he bragged matter-of-factly, as everyone besides Kendappa stared at him and the gnomes in shock.

But soon Bishamonten recovered, and sneered, "I am even _less _inclined to believe an obvious deviant, no matter how magical he might be. And how do I know you didn't just enchant the mirror to show what you wanted it to, Mr. Ballerina?"

Those remarks made the gnomes go into a fairy-defending frenzy, shrieking at the top of their tiny lungs that Lord Vahyu had the best fashion sense in the world! Lord Vahyu would never lie like that! Lord Vahyu's word was unbroken verity! Bishamonten was just jealous of Lord Vahyu's awe-inspiring hair! Bishamonten had better be prepared to have his ankles chewed on and his shins broken!

"Let's all calm down," came the desperate plea from Tenou, as he made hand motions to illustrate his point. "Mr. – um – Mr. Lord Vahyu, will you please show us what happened? I'm confident it will back Kendappa's story up," he said with an infatuated smile sent in her direction.

Kendappa opened her mouth to start her prepared speech all about how she didn't love him, but Vahyu was holding out the glowing mirror to Bishamonten and smirking, "Yes it will. Observe, Mr. Manbun."

Mr. Manbun did observe, with a frown on his face, and a wince when Kendappa was slamming Tamara's head against the tiles. But when it was over he reluctantly sighed, "Well, I suppose that even if this is an enchantment, it's better evidence than 'she said, she said.' But this doesn't change the fact that Miss Easternharp lied about being Lady Gandaraja!" he snapped, whirling on Kendappa.

And so Kendappa explained her life story, backed up by commentary from Vahyu, as Tenou nodded in sympathy and even Bishamonten sighed in commiseration a couple times. Then, taking a deep breath, she looked Tenou in the eye and told him, "I have something to get off my chest, Prince Tenou.

"I'm so, so sorry I led you on, but I'm a lesbian and I love Souma. I kept meaning to tell you that, but your father scared me so much I went along with it. That was a horrible, rotten, devious, manipulative, and mean thing to do to you, and I'm so sorry you wouldn't believe it," she sighed, as his face got paler and paler and his posture got worse and worse.

"But… but you – and I… I was planning on asking you to marry me!" he managed through desperately held-back tears.

"And again, I'm so sorry, but I can't marry you because I don't love you," Kendappa said gently.

So much for the pitiable Tenou's happy ending. His fairytale world crashed apart at this, and became, well, _real life_. In real life, horrible depressing things happen to everybody, even kind-hearted and dashing princes, and you just have to learn to deal with them as best you can.

Bishamonten patted poor Tenou on the shoulder, and as the prince was trying to pull himself together, the right-hand man murmured, "This is regrettable that dear Prince Tenou was put through such heartache when it could have been avoided. However, it wasn't illegal, just bitchy. So you shall not be punished, Lady Easternharp, because somehow I think our noble prince will defend you to his father even after you broke his heart. I myself wash my hands of the matter, I want nothing more to do with this triangular, falsehood-filled romance."

"Well, _I _want everything to do with it. Kendappa," Souma asked seriously, but with a sparkle in her eyes, "will you marry _me?_"

Kendappa seized Souma's hand in both of hers, crying in excitement, "Oh yes, Souma, _yes _I'll marry you! We'll live happily ever after, and Vahyu can wear the maid of honor's dress at the wedding! And your friend Karura can be another bridesmaid, and the gnomes can be the ring bearers, and – and we'll never be sad again!"

"WAAAAH!" poor heartbroken Tenou bawled, unable to take it anymore.

He rushed off sobbing, and Bishamonten called after him, "It's not the end of the world, Prince Tenou! There are plenty of fish in the sea! We just need to hold more balls, that's all!"

Kendappa stared after Tenou with a guilty look on her face, and even more guilt in her soul. Well, she'd learned her lesson: from now on, she was going to be true to herself no matter how frightened she was, because things got much worse for her and other people if she didn't. Never again would she do something like that, and in fact, she would encourage anyone else who was doing so to do the right thing, with her valuable experience.

Bishamonten sighed as Tenou disappeared from sight, then turned back to the rest and said, "I suppose that with the evidence Mr. Vahyu has given us, we shall be arresting Tamara _and _Parvati, for negligence. After all, abusing scullery maids is fine, but only if they're _common-born _scullery maids who aren't your family by marriage."

"Are you serious?" Kendappa sneered in disgust. "You're saying if I wasn't a noble, they'd be getting off scot-free?!"

"That's exactly what I'm saying," was Bishamonten's haughty response. "That's how the world works. However, Miss Easternharp, you might be waiting quite a while for the courts to sort your inheritance out. "

"Mmm, not if I have anything to say about it," Vahyu smugly replied. "I have the original copy of Jikokuten's will, the one Parvati tore into tiny pieces and let the wind take them. I'm a wind fairy, after all, so I was able to gather them together and enchant them back into one piece. No need to thank me, Cinderken– stop hugging me! I told you not to wrinkle the tutu!" he howled as Kendappa squeezed him even harder.

Bishamonten rolled his eyes as Souma giggled, and the gnomes all worriedly babbled that Lord Vahyu's tutu should be left as unwrinkled as possible. But Kendappa didn't care, because she loved her fairy godfather! She just kept hugging him with a huge smile on her face, until finally Vahyu sighed and gingerly hugged her back.

When they finally drew apart, Kendappa turned to Souma and had to say, "You know, I – I'm so used to doing something, being a lady of the manor would be incredibly boring for me. I mean, I know you probably want to retire from being a guard and all, but I –"

"Actually, I love being the Captain of the Guard. And I think you'd make an excellent guard yourself," Souma said with a grin. "After all, that Tamara thing was almost expert. I'll train you in everything you need to know, and while some of it is very demanding, it'll be so much better than being an abused scullery maid or just sitting around stitching samplers."

"What a genius idea!" Vahyu said brightly. "Almost as genius as me."

"You really do think highly of yourself, don't you?" Bishamonten testily muttered to Vahyu, who tossed his hair and responded with a cheery, "When you're as awesome as I am, humility is just lying to yourself."

"Oh, really? Humility is a virtue, Mr. Ballerina."

"Lies, Mr. Manbun."

"Mr. Flaming."

"Mr. In-the-Closet."

"WHAT?! I'm not gay at all!" Bishamonten truthfully snarled, but Vahyu tittered, "The updo's a dead giveaway, honey."

But Souma and Kendappa were ignoring this bickering, because Souma and Kendappa were smooching the living daylights out of each other. Things had, against all odds, turned out more than all right. Sure, Tenou would always pine, and Tamara and Parvati would fight tooth and nail in court, and Taishakuten would lecture Kendappa in a very scary voice while Shashi blew up at her… but that was small potatoes. The major trials of Kendappa Easternharp were over, thanks to a male fairy and a female Captain of the Guard.

And Souma and her lady lived happily ever after, to the end of their days.

**End**

.

.

(AN: Aguni was totally the sexy blond [is she blond?] scullery maid Koumokuten ran off with. I ship it! I am belatedly aware that Parvati is Shiva's wife in Hinduism, but let's not break our heads over it. If you by any chance know the actual name for the deity Koumokuten/Virupaksa's wife, please tell me and I'll change this.

Now, I would like some reviews. I am _begging _you for reviews. I am _pleading _for reviews, because the "RG Veda" fandom seems to be 99% lurkers unless you write Yasha/Ashura or Taishakuten/Lord Ashura as the main pairing. Right now only _two _people are polite enough to give something back for all the effort I put into these, which pretty large numbers read. Souken is fully canon and this fandom is obsessed with canon – why I really don't understand – so I'm hoping more of you will respond to my desperate need for constructive criticism.

Much thanks to my beta Nalahime, who made very helpful suggestions as I was writing this, and even contributed a paragraph. You rock, Nalahime! I only wish we'd met before.

Ooh, one last thing: the next installment of this fic will be M-rated. So when you suddenly don't see this when you first visit the "RG Veda" page, it hasn't been deleted, it's just gotten more adult. Merely filter "All" or "M" rating-wise.)


End file.
